


Not Your Dean

by SupernaturalWinchester67



Series: Not Your Dean [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Demon Dean Winchester, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Violence, Post-Demon Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 15:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16875087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalWinchester67/pseuds/SupernaturalWinchester67
Summary: One day Dean shows up on the reader’s doorstep and moves back into the bunker. The only problem is he’s a demon and he’s hiding something. The reader and Sam have to tread carefully if they want a shot of getting back their Dean before it’s too late…





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you need help with the groceries?” you asked, hearing heavy footfalls come down the stairs. When Sam didn’t answer you went to turn around but didn’t. Someone was behind you, that much was clear, someone who didn’t carry themselves like Sam. It was too sturdy and overpowering to be Cas. Which left only one option.

“Hi, Y/N,” said Dean, the sound of his bag hitting the floor making you jump in your seat. He chuckled darkly as he watched you remain frozen in place. “Jeez, relax sweetheart.”

“I’m not your sweetheart, not anymore,” you said, finding it in yourself to speak. Dean lowered his head next to yours, his hot breath on your neck, sending a chill through you.

“I’m not your Dean,” he said, letting the words sink in before pulling back.

“Sam’s not home. You’ll just have to settle for killing me,” you said, feeling his hand run a little too roughly over your cheek before you heard him take a few steps away. He sat in a seat nearby, allowing you to finally look at him.

His hair was a little longer that you ordinarily would have died for to be able to run your hands through. He had on his red shirt, the one he wore when he was riled up, ready to have some fun with you. He had that cocky, dangerous air about him that could drive you wild. 

But like he said, he wasn’t your Dean. Your Dean was dangerous in a way that you knew was all a show. This one would kill without batting an eye.

“I know what you want,” he said, his face hard set as you waited for his green eyes to go black.

“For you not to kill me? Or for you to not be a demon?” you asked. 

“Aw, Y/N wants her Dean back,” said Dean, leaning forward in his seat. “Maybe if you’re a good girl, I won’t rip you and Sam to shreds.”

He let the threat hang in the air, making sure you knew exactly who was in charge.

“What do you want?” you asked, squinting at him, trying to push away how it hurt for him to look at you like that. He flashed you a brilliant smile that used to make your heart flutter for an entirely different reason.

“I was thinking, that this was my home too. Why should I have to leave just because I’m a demon?” he said, reaching his hand across the table to grab at yours. You tried to jerk back but it was no use.

“Are you asking to move back in?” you said, failing at keeping the skepticism out of your voice.

“Not asking, telling,” he said, running his thumb over your wrist. You wondered if he was going to hurt you when he mumbled something and you saw a very brief trickle of black run through your vein. 

“What did you just do?” you asked, pulling your arm back when he took his hand away.

“You and Sam are going to be so annoying and try to convince me to not be a demon,” said Dean with a shrug. “Or you’ll trap me and force me back. That’s not happening now.”

“What did you do?” you asked again, more panicked now. Dean stood and grabbed his bag, staring down at you.

“I’m glad I didn’t kill you before. You’re so much more useful to me alive,” he said, walking away. “Plus we had lots of fun.”

“Dean,” you said, standing and ready to follow when you caught his black eyes for a second before turning green. You stopped, looking down and seeing the trickle of black pump through you again.

“Here’s how it works. I don’t hurt you and Sam, you and Sam don’t turn me human. We can be one big happy family again,” said Dean.

“More like living under a dictator,” you said, seeing Dean beam.

“Always such a smart girl,” he said, walking over and bopping you on the nose. “Because if you do try to turn me back…what I did to you…you won’t like that very much.”

“I’m not afraid of pain,” you said, glaring back. “I’ve been through-”

“Shh, sweetheart. It’s better if you don’t know, trust me,” he said, ruffling the top of your head harshly. “You be a good girl and Sam be a good boy and everything will be fine.”

You watched as he left you, skipping away to his old room when you realized something.

“Get your crap out of here,” you heard him shout. A part of you wanted to argue, but you could feel something inside of you tied to the demon part of him. If it was half as bad as you could sense it would be, you had to do as told for now.

It didn’t take long to move your things from your and Dean’s room to your old one, Dean’s ever watchful eyes on you making you move fast. You’d finished by the time you both heard the door open, Sam calling out that he was home.

“Let’s go say hi to Sammy, shall we?” said Dean, taking the lead.

As you took small steps after, you had to cling to the one thing that gave you hope in the first place. He came home for some reason and it wasn’t for what he said. You were going to find out just what that was.

But first you had to figure out how to live with a demon.

 

Dean sat Sam down and gave him the same cryptic threat about you, telling him to back off and let him do as he pleased. If it had been himself that was threatened, you were sure Sam would have fought back. But it wasn’t and Sam wasn’t putting you in jeopardy. You had been what kept him going after Dean, he’d told you as much. 

“He’s hiding something from us,” said Sam when you went to his room that night.

“He needs us for something,” you said, sitting across from Sam on the bed. “Why else would he let us live? Besides whatever he did to me. I have a feeling this thing in me is supposed to keep me alive as much as keep us in line.”

“We have to come up with a game plan,” said Sam.

“Game plan for what?” asked Dean, leaning against the doorframe of Sam’s room, making you both flinch.

“Y/N and I are going on a hunt tomorrow. We were prepping before we left in the morning was all,” said Sam. It wasn’t a lie, you had been doing research for it before Dean showed up.

“I’ll pack my bag,” said Dean. “Unless I’m not invited.” You and Sam were quiet as Dean hummed. “Great, see you guys in the morning.”

You waited for him to go before whispering to Sam who looked as beaten down as you felt.

“We’ll figure it out. We have to,” you said. You gave him a hug goodnight before heading out into the hall where Dean stood, looking like he was waiting for you.

“No goodnight kiss for your man?” said Dean, crossing his arms.

“We aren’t together anymore, Dean,” you said, brushing past him quickly before you heard him speak.

“We’ll see about that.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Morning, kiddos,” said Dean, strangely chipper for how early it was. Sam gave him a nod as he tossed his bags in the back of Baby, both of you glad to have it back, even if it was filthy inside and out. “Y/N.”

“Dean,” you said, moving to the passenger side door as Dean laughed behind you. “What?”

“Oh, that’s cute,” said Dean, walking to the passenger side, opening the back door for you. “You used to sit back here if I remember.”

You looked up at Dean then over to Sam who was trying to keep his face neutral. You and Sam had gotten used to him driving, you in shotgun, taking turns more often than not unlike Dean used to. Apparently that part of him was still in there.

You didn’t give Dean another glance as you walked around him and slid into your old seat. The last time you’d sat back there you were still a family. Dean grunted loudly as he slammed your door shut and Sam quickly walked over, handing Dean the keys as he went.

“Now, isn’t that better?” asked Dean, slipping behind the wheel, Sam tense from where he sat in front. “So where are we going?”

“Wyoming,” said Sam, Dean taking off by the time the words had left his lips. Hopefully you made it there in one piece.

 

You were fuming by the time you got back to the motel, Dean leaving you to get Sam inside on your own. Sam tried to keep down his groan but it came out strangled and wrong, the pain fighting it’s way through his attempts to keep it at bay. The motel door opened and for a moment, you thought maybe Dean had changed his mind, was going to help you carry Sam. Until you saw the bags in his hand.

“You clean him up yet?” asked Dean, walking past and throwing your things in the trunk. 

“I stitched him up at that house,” you said, the hunt having gone worse than any in your life. “But Sam needs to rest.”

“He can sleep on the way home,” said Dean, walking to the driver’s side. “I’ll even let you sit up front with me this time.”

 

Ordinarily after a hunt, you were tired, a shower and a bed your two best friends. Tonight though, you were riled up and needed to do something. It’d taken forever but you eventually got Sam washed up with fresh bandages and pajamas, tucked away in his bed with shut eyes thanks to a few sleeping pills. 

Sam was a good hunter and you two were used to scrapes and bumps, not borderline requiring a trip to the hospital. The part that bothered you most wasn’t how injured he was and the constant pain that was hidden just under the surface. It was that it was an easy hunt and Dean had screwed it all up.

Your own hands were cut up some but you were too mad to care about damaging them. They slipped into the boxing gloves you had in your little gym in one of the small bunker rooms, barely waiting before they were strapped on to give the bag a good right hook. It sent jolts of pain through your arm but pretending that it was Dean’s face made up for it.

“You don’t do this unless you’re pissed,” said Dean, his cocky voice making you swing harder. You felt his staring and increased your tempo, bouncing on your feet as you tried to let the anger out. “Talk to me baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Go to hell,” you said, spinning and kicking the bag, making it rock back violently. Dean hummed, as if he were considering it.

“There’s a much nicer view up here,” he said, his voice smooth and low now. You used to feel a rush when he spoke that way, like your skin was on fire, your heart racing in anticipation. You threw another punch, hard enough that your knuckles were aching from the impact but a clear warning to him.

“In your dreams,” you said, moving around the bag so he’d stop staring at your backside. “I’m not your baby anymore. Or your sweetheart or your Y/N. I don’t care what you did to me, you touch me without permission, your-”

“Here I am, trying to have a civil conversation, demon to human, and you assume the worst in me? I’m hurt, Y/N,” said Dean, placing a hand to his chest. 

“No, Sam’s hurt,” you said, punching the bag one last time before turning to face him. “You did it on purpose.”

If looks could kill, you were pretty sure you’d be dead from the one Dean was giving you. It didn’t help that his eyes flashed black for a second before turning a dangerous shade of green. He stalked over to you, slowly but with power behind it. You stood your ground, holding onto that trace of anger you had left to keep you from turning to mush before him.

“You understand something,  _sweetheart_ ,” said Dean, walking until he was so close you had to tilt your head to lookup at him. “We have a deal. All of us have a deal. If Sam is stupid because he’s looking at me like I’m his big ole’ brother again and not paying fucking attention like he’s supposed, that’s on him. Understand?”

You were quiet and took a step back, giving yourself some space. Everything told you to not trust Dean, you already knew he was lying about why he was back, but you just couldn’t help yourself. Especially not when you’d let yourself daydream in the car earlier and pretend that was your Dean driving next to you. Sam was certainly entitled to a little daydreaming about having his brother back too.

“Understand?” said Dean again, quieter but colder, his words sharp. You nodded as you used your teeth to rip off your gloves.

“I get it. You are who you are now,” you said, Dean backing off some. “It wouldn’t kill you to be a little nicer though.”

You saw him ready to whip out some sort of comeback or threat as you tugged off your other glove. You wiped the sweat off your face with your palms and when you pulled them away, you could have sworn Dean looked concerned for a split second.

“I will…try to be more considerate,” said Dean, giving you a nod of his head, your shock too much to hide. “Clean up your hands so they don’t get infected,” he said, turning and leaving without a second glance. You weren’t expecting much from him but at this point, you’d take anything that made living alongside him more bearable. 

After getting in the shower, you saw how he was right about your poor hands. What was masked before by a whole swirl of emotions now was obvious, your knuckles bruised and split open. Carefully you cleaned and wrapped them, checking on Sam before heading to bed yourself. Dean was in his old room, your old room, when you passed by, your head down not because of him but because of the memories of that space.

You didn’t want Dean back anymore. You  _needed_  him, Sam and you both needed him. You’d gotten to that place, where you were starting to think maybe it was just going to be you and Sam for the rest of your lives, maybe with each other it’d be okay. But Dean being back changed everything.

In the safety of your room, you pulled out your phone and dialed one of your least favorite people.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you said. “We need to talk about Dean. In person.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Get some pie while you’re gone,” said Dean, opening up the refrigerator, eyes wandering around the inside. “More beer too.”

“Some things never change,” you muttered to yourself, writing down what Dean wanted on the grocery list. 

“Don’t mess with something good,” said Dean. You forgot he could hear you mumbling under your breath now. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

You tensed up at that. Sure, you were going to pick up some food but this trip had other motives behind it. Ones you didn’t want to know what Dean would do if he found out about.

“It’s been five days and apart from that hunt, Sam and I have stayed here with you, just like you wanted,” you said, moving to turn but finding Dean’s chest pressed up to your back. He ran his thumb over your cheekbone. It was still too harsh, too controlling to let you think anything but.

“It’s been five days of you and Sam hiding from me in your rooms,” said Dean with a chuckle, the boom of it felt in your body. “I do love the way you two look at me, scared, sad little things.”

“Get to the point,” you said, shifting your head so his hand fell down to your shoulder. He patted it hard and stepped back.

“ _Get to the point_ ,” he mimicked, your skin crawling as you found his face. “Listen sweetheart, the point is, I  _never_  said you and Sammy have to stay here all the time. You assumed that big bad Dean wouldn’t let you leave. Now you’ve just made an ass out of yourself.”

“So…” you trailed off, Dean’s teasing turning to annoyance in a flash.

“Go and come as you please unless you hear different from me,” said Dean, grabbing his drink, face turning sour when he realized it was empty. “Get more-”

“Alcohol and pie for the demon. I got it.”

 

You didn’t like this, not at all. What if Dean could sense another demon nearby? Granted you were about 50 miles out of town but still, you didn’t know about everything there was to being a black eyed monster.

“Love, I never took you for the sneaking around with another demon type,” said a voice that irritated to the point of almost making Dean seem pleasant.

“Crowley,” you said, sitting on the hood of your car, the demon rolling his eyes.

“We used to have such witty rapport, Y/N,” said Crowley, walking in front of you. “What happened?”

“You turned my boyfriend into a demon. Sorry but that kind of pissed me off,” you said, tilting your head and giving a fake smile. “You couldn’t even keep control of him.”

“Have you met him? Sure our short lived bromance was nice but…” said Crowley, “I’d have an easier time getting you-”

“Careful how you finish that sentence,” you said, your hand on the demon blade in your coat pocket. 

“Pleasantries aside, Dean’s a problem,” said Crowley, leaning against the hood beside you. “Why haven’t you and moose cured him yet?”

You let go of your blade to roll up your sleeve and show your arm to him. Crowley looked at you like you were going crazy until he saw it. The black sliver of something that ran through your veins, your wrist showing it pulsing within you.

“I would see a doctor about that,” said Crowley, shifting away. You groaned.

“What is it?” you asked, Crowley shrugging. “King of Hell doesn’t know about whatever demon thing Dean did? Seriously?”

“I have no idea, Y/N but it’s…” said Crowley, taking your arm in his hand. You didn’t like him touching you but there was no real danger. He twisted and let his fingers rest on your wrist until the blackness passed through again. “It’s dark and evil whatever it is.”

“No shit,” you said, tugging your arm back from him. “I could have told you that.”

“This is why you won’t cure your boy toy?” asked Crowley, already knowing the answer.

“If we cure him or if he dies, I think, this thing will do something bad to me. But it’s doing something else, like it’s protecting me. I can feel it,” you said, Crowley furrowing his brow. He took a few steps away, thinking hard. His mouth opened as if he were going to speak but hesitated.

“I’m sorry, Y/N but I don’t know what this is,” said Crowley, your eyes shutting in defeat. Fuck, you might actually be stuck with this, with Dean as a demon. “But I think I know a guy who might have some more information.”

“Dean keeps a tight eye on us, I don’t think I’ll be able to sneak away for another meet up for a while, even if he says different,” you said, rolling your sleeve back down. Crowley only shook his head.

“I’ll talk to him and let you know when I find something out,” said Crowley, nodding his head and offering what was supposed to be a kind smile.

“Why would you help?” you asked, the demon stopping in his tracks.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend, Y/N. I’ll be in touch.”

 

It had been nerve racking enough to get back home to the bunker with the food in a timely manner but it was worse when you saw no one was home. 

_Went on a quick hunt with Sam. Back with dinner by 9. -D_

For hours all you could think was you took too long, Dean was off hurting Sam, killing him, being reckless because of you or because he’d wanted to all along. When it was a little after 9 and you heard the bunker door open you glanced nervously over to the stairs.

“Pizza again if that’s okay,” said Sam, carrying his duffle in one hand, the box in the other. He sat it down on the table by the time you were rushing over and giving him a hug. “Shh, I’m okay,” said Sam, knowing you’d feared the worst.

“It was just a salt and burn, Y/N, no big deal,” said Dean, following after, dropping his bag. You gave Sam one last look over but he was okay, not a scratch on him. “He’s fine.”

“Sorry we didn’t call, last minute thing,” said Sam, Dean’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dean even helped me out when the ghost was on me.”

“Turns out having a demon on the team comes in handy,” said Dean, leaving the two of you to head into the kitchen.

“Are you really okay?” you asked Sam when you were alone. Sam nodded.

“He wasn’t nice but he was better today, don’t ask me why,” said Sam, Dean walking back in with a few of the beers you’d bought.

“I’m starving,” said Dean, taking a seat in his old one, already reaching for a slice.

 

“Good choice of pie today, sweetheart,” said Dean, his voice loud at your door. You didn’t bother to sit up but waved him in anyways. “Thought you’d be proud of your demon, being good to Sammy today.”

“Thanks,” you said, staring up at your celling. He was eyeing you up and down but stayed by the foot of your bed thankfully. 

“I always loved those cute shorts you wear to bed, barely covering you up,” he said suddenly. 

“Goodnight, Dean,” you said, closing your eyes, hoping he’d leave on his own. Instead you felt him by your side, his lips pressed against your forehead. It wasn’t like you expected. 

It was soft and gentle, your old Dean.

“G’night, sweetheart,” said Dean, pulling back, voice quieter. “Tomorrow’s going to be fun.”

With that he left you alone, turning off the light and closing your door for the night as you were cast into darkness. You could only hope that whatever he had in store wasn’t related to what you did that afternoon. 

Or else you might have to find out what was swimming around in you the hard way.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

You’d been restless all night, tossing and turning, worry that Dean had found you out. You hadn’t even told Sam of your meet up with Crowley, afraid of getting him in trouble too. So taking the demon blade and cuffs with you to breakfast seemed like a safe thing to do. Until you rounded the corner and your eyes went wide.

“Good morning,” said Dean, working away over the stove. You had to fight the urge to spin around or drop your jaw. “You used to like when I made you nice breakfasts. Chocolate chip pancakes, eggs sunny side up-”

“Where’s Sam? you asked, Dean’s face scrunching up. He hummed away while he slid a few pieces of bacon on your plate.

“You two aren’t together now, are you?” he asked, waving the spatula around, getting food on the floor but he didn’t seem to mind.

“No, we…the old you knew we could never feel like that towards each other,” you said, taking a few steps inside, noticing Sam’s jacket was missing from one of the seats.

“I guess that soft pathetic little Dean was good for something huh?” said Dean, beckoning for you to sit at the counter. “He got a little hottie like you after all.”

“Sam?” you asked again, Dean rolling his eyes, looking dark for a moment.

“He’s helping your little cop friend on a case, the blonde one. Dianne?” said Dean, raising an eyebrow. 

“Donna,” you said, Dean mouthing ‘whatever’ in response. “Why didn’t he tell me he was going?” you asked, Dean’s hand gripping the edge of the counter roughly. 

“I am doing what you asked, trying to be your nice demon but I swear if you keep assuming I did something to him, I’m going to do something to you,” said Dean, staring you down until you looked away. “Now, can you get the syrup out?”

“Yes,” you said, getting off your seat and walking over to the fridge. When you had the door open you couldn’t find it, knowing you’d gotten a new bottle the day before. “Dean?”

“Sorry, must have slipped my mind,” he said, your blood running cold as you recognized that tone and slammed the door shut.

“You’re disgusting if you think we’re doing  _that_ ,” you said, remembering how most of the mornings Dean made breakfast like this ended with you two tangled up in bed.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” said Dean, a wickedly dark grin on his face. He turned around to grab something behind him and that’s when you decided to screw it. You threw some of the holy water you’d taken out of the fridge on him, his body curling up defensively.

You moved as quickly as you could to get the cuffs on him and damn was he pissed. You were just grateful that they seemed to suck up a majority of his energy, leaving him powerless and mostly limp under you.

“If you wanted to use handcuffs, we could have just gone straight to the bedroom,” he said, your hands yanking him up, leaving the cooking food as you brought him down the hall. “Do not put me in that dungeon, Y/N.”

“Make me,” you said, walking the two of you forward until you came to the room Dean was dreading.

“If you cure me or kill me-”

“I’m putting you in time out, Dean,” you said, pushing him forward so he fell over the demon’s trap. “Be a good little boy and I’ll let you out when Sam comes back.”

Dean stood there, a simple pair of handcuffs and some lines on the floor keeping him from stepping forward and doing whatever he wanted to you. 

“I will get out of here but it’ll be long before Sammy gets home. Do you really want to be all alone with me when that happens?” said Dean, leering down at you.

“I’ll bring you some of your burnt up breakfast later,” you said, turning and walking out, shutting the door behind you. You made it out of earshot so you didn’t hear him yelling before you finally realized you were trembling. That was your proof at least. No curing or killing. They had to fix you to fix him.

 

It was an hour later when you finally went back to check on Dean. You were fairly certain he didn’t actually need food or water but you weren’t going to torture him if he did. It was your stomach that was doing flips when you saw the door open though.

“No, no,” you said, dropping the plate and whipping your head around the corner. The cuffs were on the ground and Dean was nowhere in sight. “How?”

You didn’t have time to think about that. You needed to get out of there. You’d taken barely two steps when the bunker went dark, an eerie red light casting long shadows that would hide Dean anywhere and everywhere.

“Y/N, let’s be adults about this,” said Dean, sounding far off and close by all at once. The garage was close enough so you made a break for it, not caring about being quiet. You were almost there when a hand shot out of a pitch black room and wrapped itself around your arm, holding you in place. “There you are.”

“Just do it fast alright,” you said, Dean taking the two of you somewhere away from the exit. 

“Always assuming the worst,” said Dean, making fast work of getting the electricity back on. You shrugged out of his grasp while he was distracted but he corned you in the hall seconds later. “Stop running away.”

“I’m not going to let you-”

“If I wanted to hurt you, kill you…sweetheart me saying we have a deal won’t protect you from that,” said Dean, placing his hands on the wall on either side of your head. “Listen up. I understand this morning. Hell, I’ve ben waiting for it to happen. You put me in timeout and maybe I needed that, some time to think about how you got the wrong idea earlier. So all is forgiven. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.”

“How did you get out?” you asked, Dean leaning back with a smile.

“Wait and see, Y/N, you’ll find out someday. I mean it is so much fun with you being clueless but eventually you’ll know everything. Until then, no more locking me up,” he said, patting the top of your head, gentler than it had been in previous days, like he was remembering how to do this. “Now, let’s try having breakfast again, shall we?”

You nodded, Dean leaving you behind as you went to your room instead. Your phone was back on your bedside table after having mysteriously vanished that morning thanks to Dean.

“Sam?” you asked, relief flooding you at hearing his voice on the other end. “When are you coming home?”

“I am home, where the hell are you?” said Sam. The panic that hit you was too much and then it was gone, as fast as it came.

 

“Good Morning,” said Dean, his voice cutting through the silence so sharp and pointed it would have made your heart race if it wasn’t already. You were sat up in bed, panting and sweating, your clock reading that it was about nine in the morning. “Sleep well?”

“Y-you, what did you…”

“A little bit of witchcraft was all with some djin juju thrown in. Enjoy the interactive nightmare?” he asked, putting a glass of water on your bedside table.

“Why?” you asked, Dean sitting down, his arm caging you in from moving away.

“I was there too. Wasn’t it obvious?” he asked, your head still coming to terms that everything had been slightly off before. “You were going to try that out here at some point and it was much safer for everyone to do it in that head of yours.”

“You can’t do that,” you said, a small fear that this was another trick running through you.

“Shh, sweetheart, it’s okay,” said Dean, his hand cupping your cheek. It was soft and comforting and fuck if you didn’t lean into it you didn’t know what to call it. “I don’t want to hurt you. Everything will make sense soon.”

“I want Dean,” you said, willing yourself to remember that it was a demon comforting you, not the man you’d fallen in love with.

“I’m not your Dean but you’ll come around eventually,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Would that be so bad? I look and sound like him, have his memories, his touch.”

“Please leave,” you said, pushing Dean’s hand away and Dean letting you.

“Breakfast will be ready soon if you’re up for it,” said Dean, standing and pecking a kiss to your cheek before leaving.

You hoped Crowley called soon.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

“Sam, please tell me we have a case out there, somewhere, anywhere. I’d go to Alaska at this point,” you said, laying your head against your arm as you stared down the table at the younger Winchester.

“I got nothing, Y/N,” said Sam, shutting his laptop. “We officially have a lazy day.” You groaned and banged you head on the wood beneath you. “Let’s duck out of here before Dean’s done with his shower.”

“Best thing you’ve said all morning,” you said, standing and grabbing your coat, just as a dripping wet Dean walked in, a towel barely covering him up wrapped around his waist.

“We got a case?” asked Dean, putting his hands on his hips. Your eyes followed a drop of water that started in the hollow of his neck but slowly dripped down his chest and over his sculpted stomach before soaking into the towel. “My face is up here sweetheart,” he said with a chuckle.

“We’re going out, no case. Getting out of the house,” you said quickly, Dean humming as you spoke.

“You guys trying to ditch me?” asked Dean, a pout on his plush pink lips. “Aren’t we trying to be a family again? You two have to admit, I’ve been better behaved lately.”

“Well you haven’t used spell work or threatened us in two days if you call that behaved,” said Sam, annoyed with how Dean had given him a similar nightmare scenario as yourself.

“Tomato, tomahto,” said Dean, running a hand through his damp hair, spiking it up. “Go ahead if you want. I’m not keeping you here,” he said, waving his arm to let you both pass. Sam was already halfway up the stairs with you close behind when you got a strange feeling. Guilt.

“We can wait five minutes for him to get dressed, Sam,” you said, both boys whipping their heads around.

“I’ll meet you at Baby,” said Dean, walking away with a smirk. Sam was shaking his head.

“What the hell, Y/N?” he said, walking up the steps.

“As much as it sucks, he’s our responsibility. Who knows what he’ll get up to without supervision. At least with us he’s not doing anything bad,” you said, Sam rolling his eyes.

“You getting Stockholm syndrome or something?” asked Sam, pulling you up and out through the front door to where Baby sat in the drive. “That’s not Dean and you’re looking at him like he is.”

“First off, your brother is hot so excuse me for staring when he goes walking around like that,” you said, Sam cringing, motioning you to get to the actual point. “And second, I am doing my part in playing along so that when…”

“When what, Y/N?” asked Sam, seeing your head look around for Dean.

“So when Crowley calls me with a lead on this thing in me, we can find a cure and cure Dean too,” you said, Sam’s eyes going wide. “I didn’t tell you in case Dean found out.”

“Sorry about what I said,” said Sam, running his hand up your arm. “You still look at him sometimes like it’s actually Dean.”

“So do you,” you said, Sam’s gaze falling down. “We’ll get him back.” You and Sam stayed in silence, letting the tension fall out of the air. That was something a little odd you found out about Sam after Dean was gone. Sam didn’t really want to talk about it. You thought that was a Dean thing since Sam was always encouraging his older brother to open up. But Sam could hurt just as much as Dean and sometimes a Winchester just needed you to stand there with them, saying so much without saying a word.

“Let’s go to the mall,” said Dean, flinging the front door open and bouncing up the steps. “I’m obviously not going to be getting any here so time for a wardrobe upgrade for the bar tonight.”

“You have such a way with words,” said Sam, the two of you moving over to the passenger side, Dean seemingly happy as he slid behind the wheel.

 

“He’s worse than a teenage girl. Trust me, I was one,” you said to Sam who looked ready to end it all right then and there. “Go get some coffee or something.”

“Thank you,” he said, getting off the waiting room couch and practically running for the store’s exit. 

“Hey, how do I look?” asked Dean, barely a sliver of cockiness in there as you played with your phone. When you looked up at him he was already smiling hard. “That good, huh?”

He was wearing clothes tighter than were normal for him that showed off all the good and hid the even better. The leather jacket he had on would have any woman drooling if they caught sight of him. He traded in his brown boots for black ones and dammit it that were your Dean you might have been shoving him in that dressing room and ripping everything off to get at him.

“If you’re looking to get laid I guess it’ll do,” you said, forcing yourself to look at your phone. 

“Trust me, I had  _no problem_  getting laid in Dean’s clothes,” he said, the words cutting through you. You never thought about that, Dean as a demon having sex with other people. It hurt even if it shouldn’t have.

“I’m sure you’ll get any woman you want wearing that tonight, Dean,” you said, the defeat in your voice evident. Dean didn’t say anything more as he quickly went and changed, paid for the clothes and walked with you out to a bench to wait for Sam.

“God he’s hot,” said a young woman around your age, who eyed Dean up and down hungrily.

“And he’s taken. Lucky girl,” said her friend, the two paying little attention to you as they passed.

“Not taken or lucky,” you muttered to yourself, turning and leaning against the balcony railing. Dean’s hand found it’s way to rest on your shoulder, heavy but pleasant.

“Don’t need the clothes really,” said Dean, moving his hand to rub up and down your arm like he used to when you were feeling down. “Is there somewhere you wanted to go? I can find Sam and we can go catch a movie if you want time alone.”

“I’d appreciate it,” you said, turning your head and giving him a smile. 

Fuck. That was an actual, honest to god smile you gave him and he knew it. He was giving one back and it made it feel almost worse.

“Call me in three hours and we’ll come get you, sweetheart,” said Dean, kissing your temple as he spotted Sam and started walking away.

“He’s adorable,” said an elderly woman that passed by at that moment. “Keep that one.”

“Yeah, he uh, I wouldn’t want to lose him.”

 

“Crowley, this is the woman’s changing room,” you growled, low and quiet even if the store had been fairly empty when you entered.

“Looks great on you by the way, love,” said Crowley, glancing down to the black bra you’d thankfully put on before he popped in. “This is business, not pleasure.”

“Your guy?” you asked, forgetting your anger as Crowley nodded.

“He can help, says he knows what it is but he has to be the one to walk you through it,” said Crowley, tossing you your shirt to cover up with.

“Whatever, give me the name and I’ll go meet him,” you said, waiting for Crowley to spill. 

“There’s a slight catch,” he said, your anger simmering to the surface. “You and Moose take care of a witch that seems to have taken a liking to screwing up some potential soul sellers and I’ll tell you where to go.”

“Crowley…” you snarled, grabbing him by the collar.

“She’s killed three people. She’s bad. You can find her in some little town in Maine. Do that and we’re even, promise,” he said, holding out a hand.

“Fine,” you said, shaking his hand. “If you cross me, I’ll kill you.”

“Always a pleasure, Y/N. Don’t forget the matching panties,” he said with a wink.

“I really hate demons.”

 

“Hey,” said a soft voice around eleven that night. You popped your head over from where you watching a movie and saw Dean in his new outfit at your door.

“Heading out?” you asked, Dean moving inside as he kicked off his boots and tossed his jacket on the ground.

“Calling it a night,” he said, laying down next to you, his arms behind his head. “Those girls are so desperate it’s not even fun.”

“Sorry your night didn’t turn out how you wanted,” you said, turning your movie back on. 

“How are you?” he asked, tilting his head back to look up at you. 

“What?” you asked, Dean’s eyes looking up curiously.

“How are you? You seemed sad earlier and you put on this movie when you’re sad so I’m inclined to think the obvious,” he said, moving one of his hands to reach around your waist. 

“You don’t care about me,” you said, arching away from his hold. “You don’t have to pretend for the sake of living together.”

“I could have brought a dozen different woman home tonight yet I’m laying in bed next to you. I would think that tells you something,” he said, not resisting when you moved his arm away.

“You want to get in my pants, that’s pretty clear,” you said, inching down the bed from him.

“You have no idea what’s going on in my head. What this is like,” he said, flashing his eyes black for a second. “I can  _take_  anything I want,  _do_  anything I want and I choose to come back here to a brother who despises me, a girlfriend who loathes me, and my best friend Cas doesn’t even show up once. I am surrounded by hatred and filled with hatred and what do I do? Lay here, with you, watching some rom-com and trying to make you feel safe like your Dean did when I can feel your heart race, your skin prickle, your breaths sharp, telling me a thousand ways you can’t stand me. So yes, I could be off, drinking and screwing that gorgeous blonde that would let me do as I pleased all night long. But here I am, sweetheart, with you. What is that fucking telling you?”

You were quiet, your knees tucked up into your chest. Demons lied but there was pain in his admission. Did demons actually  _feel_  like that? Were they capable of it?

“Whatever,” he said, standing and grabbing his coat and shoes. “Don’t feel crappy on account of me. That’s my thing. I guess I have that in common with your Dean after all,” he said, stopping in your doorway. You looked him over, his gaze softening only briefly. “Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Dean,” you said, Dean looking at his feet. 

“I’m going to take a few days, get my head on straight,” said Dean, holding onto your doorframe. “I’ll check in when I can, I guess.”

“Okay, I’ll…see you soon then,” you said, Dean nodding before you heard him head over to his room, and throw some things in a bag. He passed by your door in his normal clothes and minutes later, Baby was rumbling and pulling away.

“Where’d he go?” asked Sam, coming in a few minutes later.

“I don’t know but it doesn’t matter,” you said, pulling out your laptop. “We’ve got three days to go kill a witch.”

“Crowley?” asked Sam, taking a seat beside you. “We do a job for him and he gives us that name?”

“That’s about it,” you said, Sam already pulling you to your feet.

“Grab your emergency bag. We’re heading out in ten minutes.”


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s done,” you said into your phone, Sam slamming your trunk shut. Crowley grunted but you didn’t have time to lose, sliding back into the passenger seat as Sam turned the key and took off down the road. Of course the job had to be in Maine, plenty of time for Dean to come home and find out you two were gone. 

There was a story to go along with it, that you were working a job in case Dean got curious. But there was no telling if he would believe you or not. You could only hope that when he texted you an hour ago from Florida, drunk on some beach with two blondes, he’d stay there a few days. Even if the thought of him with someone else made you sick to your stomach.

“Not yours,” you muttered to yourself, knowing you had no claim over the demon. When you got Dean back, you’d decided not to tell him about that. It’d tear him up in ways even you weren’t sure you’d be able to heal. 

Dean Winchester had certainly needed a lot of healing when you came along.

“His name’s Jeff, up in South Dakota near you two. He won’t be available for a day or so though. Give him a call then,” said Crowley, popping into your backseat, nearly causing Sam to crash. “Moose, almost hit a moose or something?”

“We’re done?” asked Sam, gripping the steering wheel tight. Crowley grunted as he handed you a note with the guy’s information on it before leaving. “This guy better be able to help.”

“Let’s stay positive,” you said, releasing a big sigh. “I know you’re worried more than you show.”

“I can’t lose both of you,” said Sam, ruffling the top of your head. “I’ve kind of gotten used to our shortie. I like my little sis,” he said, a brief smile on his face, a rare sight nowadays. 

“You aren’t losing anyone. We’re getting Dean back too. We’re in this together Sammy,” you said, ruffling his hair. It used to be that you and Sam wouldn’t let it end there, would let it escalate as Dean drove with a big smile on his face, his two favorite people teasing each other. Eventually he’d get you two to calm down by having you gang up on him in some way.

But Sam and you were different now. The silly things had started coming back into your life just as Dean did and they had to wait again, wait until things could go back to normal.

“Get some sleep, Y/N. I’ll wake you up to drive in a few hours,” said Sam, watching the yawn you’d been fighting back slip out. You did as he asked and rested your head against the window, a little bit more hope with you that this would be over with soon.

 

“Home sweet home,” you said, pulling into the bunker’s garage the next day. The Impala was no where in sight and Dean had texted you only a few hours ago that he was headed home. You lucked out for once.

“I’m going to take a shower,” said Sam, tossing his bag in his room as you went to your own.

“I’ll make some dinner,” you said. “Should be done by the time you get out.” You heard Sam shout his thanks as you slipped into something fresh and comfortable. The kitchen was sparse but Sam was never averse to breakfast for dinner.

“Oh, can I have extra cheese in mine?” asked a deep voice, so close you could feel the heat of his breath on your neck. “I love omelettes.”

“Sure,” you said, steadying your voice. Fuck he got home fast. Dean wrapped his arms around your waist and sat his chin on top of your head as he watched you cook. You used to love when he did that. You still did. “Did you clear your head?”

“Yeah, I needed some time alone,” he said, pushing his head down against yours, his hands pulling you tight against him as soon as the food was on plates. “I come home and find out you’ve been with another demon.”

“What?” you asked, Dean’s arms in an iron grip around you. You weren’t going anywhere. Dean chuckled and you felt it in your bones. Dean lowered his head and took a deep breath, like he was smelling your shampoo.

“You smell like sulfur and I know I make your heart race but you’re nervous,” said Dean, his finger tips dancing on your arms. “I spent months with Crowley, you think I don’t know what he smells like? What that stench in the back of your car was I noticed when I came in?”

“I didn’t sleep with him,” you said, Dean’s laugh booming again.

“Oh, I know that. But you did a job with him, your bag’s still on your bed,” he said, low in your ear.

“It was a witch, she deserved it,” you said, Dean’s lips dangerously close to the most vulnerable parts of your body.

“That’s fine but you should have called me or ditched Crowley,” said Dean, lips on your ear. “Now you’re in trouble.”

“Dean,” you said, squirming for a moment as you let the panic subside. Dean had plans for you and wasn’t going to hurt you, at least not yet.

“You belong to me,” he growled, spinning you around fast so you faced him. “You are mine. Sam is mine. You don’t go work for another demon, ever.”

“We didn’t know,” you said, Dean’s green eyes flashing black for a long moment before returning to normal. 

“I don’t give a fuck,” he said, a cocky smile on his face as he leaned down to your eye level. “You and Sam are on house arrest until you learn who owns you.”

“You don’t own us,” you said, Sam stepping into the kitchen with a frown as he caught the conversation.

“Remember this?” said Dean, holding up your arm, the trickle of black showing again. “Nobody leaves this house unless I say. Y/N, she can’t although I’d  _love_  to see her try to walk out the front door right now.” You felt the slight burn of his words run through you as the thing in you worked it’s magic. You definitely weren’t leaving anytime soon. “But Sam, you’re going to hangout with your brother and his girl, aren’t you? Wouldn’t want anything to happen to her, would we?”

“I was starting not to hate him with every fiber of my being too,” said Sam, brushing past Dean and grabbing his dinner. Dean took his as he watched you and Sam eat at the table far away from him.

It wasn’t as bad as it could have been but now you had another problem. How the hell were you supposed to reach out to Jeff with Dean keeping you in place?

“Hey, if you two are going to treat me like the bad guy, might as well act the part,” said Dean, spreading his arms wide. “These are super good eggs by the way. You put swiss cheese in this?”

“White cheddar,” you said, grinding your food into your plate. You knew that was his favorite.

“See Sam?  _Y/N_ , remembers my favorites. Put in more of an effort big guy and I’ll let you two out…eventually,” said Dean, tossing his plate in the sink. “You don’t mind cleaning that up, right Sam?”

“Dean,” you said, standing up and getting in his face. He looked shocked that you were coming to him for once but recognized the hardness in your eyes. “You remember the conversation we had in the gym…big guy.”

His face scrunched up, like he’d tried to forget his promise to be nicer but he simply nodded which was good enough for you.

“I hope you didn’t use up all the hot water, Sam,” said Dean, already ripping his shirt off as he left the kitchen.

“Could you not stare at his back like that?” said Sam, getting up and bringing your plates to the sink. You glared at him and he gave one right back. “I get it, you think he’s hot.”

“Do your dishes, Sam,” you said, turning around and leaving him. You could have sworn you heard Dean laughing from down the hall.

 

“What,” you said, Sam pulling you in his room later that evening. 

“I’m sorry. You were defending me I understand but he could hurt you,” said Sam, looking down at you.

“Welcome to the basis for every argument I ever had with your brother before he turned into a monster,” you said, crossing your arms. “Let me save you some trouble and tell you he never won these things.”

“But, Y/N-”

“I’m a grown-ass woman, Sam,” you said, putting your hands on your hips. “Not to mention a pretty bad ass hunter. If I need help, I’ll ask for it but I will never not protect my family so don’t bother wasting your time asking me not to.”

“No wonder you two were made for each other,” said Sam, rubbing the back of his head. “I had to try.”

“I was thinking about the other…” you said in a whisper, Sam nodding in understanding. “First chance one of us gets out, they go meet him?”

“Agreed,” said Sam quietly. “You look beat,” he said, taking in the bags under your eyes from driving all night. “Try to relax and get some sleep for me.”

“G’night Sam,” you said, the two of you enjoying a long embrace before pulling away. The bunker was dim as you went back to your room, so much so you nearly screamed when Dean’s door flew open as you walked past. “Fuck, Dean.”

“Didn’t mean to spook ya,” he said, following you towards your room. “I just came to tell you not to try and go anywhere.”

“I got that,” you said, raising an eyebrow. “Bonking my head on some invisible wall cartoon style wasn’t something I was planning on doing.” Dean didn’t smile as he sat on your bed, waiting for you to join him. As you did, Dean avoided your face.

“It’ll hurt is what I’m getting at,” said Dean, his hand fisting in the sheet between you. “It doesn’t seem like it but this is me trying to be nice.”

“Turn it off and take away house arrest and we’ll talk about you getting your demon boy scout badge,” you said, finally pulling a grin from him, a part of you liking the genuine happy smile on his face.

“Cute,” he said, standing up and kissing your cheek. “I promise it won’t be that long or bad. It hurt that I left because you didn’t want me and I came back and you went with…Good night, Y/N. I’ll try the whole nice thing tomorrow, I really will.”

“Thanks, Dean. Night,” you said, your cheek still tingling from where his scruff had scratched, where his lips soothed the slight tickle. You had to play along a little longer to get him back. But you were one step closer to getting there.

You hoped.


	7. Chapter 7

“Dean,” you said, walking in the library to see him reading one of your books. “Can we talk?”

“Morning to you too sunshine,” said Dean, closing the book and putting it down. It’d been two days already since Dean instituted his lockdown and today would just be another in a long line of getting used to doing what Dean wanted. But you wanted something too.

“I have an offer for you,” you said, taking a seat across from him. He nodded for you to continue, your hands folding over themselves. “I will stay here with you all day, and I mean, spend the  _whole day_  with you, not off in my room, but doing whatever you want,  _if_  you let Sam get out of the house today.”

“Okay,” said Dean, picking his book back up.

“That’s it?” you asked. “Okay?”

“Yeah, okay I accept your deal,” he said, flipping a page. “We need food and supplies and knowing I’m all alone with you is enough to keep Sam in line on his own. Go tell him he’s off the hook but…he doesn’t come back before ten tonight. It’s our day sweetheart.”

You shook your head and went and told Sam he had the go ahead to leave. He wasn’t thrilled with the plan but you weren’t about to keep this Jeff guy waiting any longer.

“Be home after ten then, with some answers,” said Sam, giving you a hug before grabbing his bag and heading for the front door, Dean giving him a wave goodbye as he passed.

Then it was just the two of you. Alone. For the next 12 hours.

“Let’s be lazy and watch Netflix,” said Dean, standing and waiting for you to follow. You did but behind him and at a good distance. “You can walk next to me, I don’t bite.”

“I’m going to make some popcorn,” you said, veering off into the kitchen, Dean patiently waiting as you popped some and put it in a bowl. He slung his arm over your shoulders as you walked back to his room and lay down on the bed. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet hum when you sat back in your side of the bed. 

“You want to pick?” he asked but you didn’t care. You were too caught up in looking around at the room that had barely changed since you left. It looked like when you’d first moved into the bunker, before Dean told you one night as you lay together it was your room too.

“It’s your day,” you said, waving him off as he grabbed a remote and turned on something neither of you really paid much attention to. 

The arm around your back, the shoulder you leaned your head against, the chest you splayed a hand on, those were certainly things you were thinking about. Ever since Dean had had his blowout, you were more aware that he could pick up on the physical things that would alert him to how you felt. Today, with that hope running through you of being rid of the thing in you and having Dean back, you were relaxed.

“If you want to take a nap it’s okay,” said Dean, his long fingers moving a few hairs from your face. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

A new movie was on when you woke up a good while later, Dean’s hand playing in your hair as you curled into him. Fuck, you wished it wasn’t so hard to not look at him, feel him next to you and think it was really Dean. It didn’t help that he was getting sweeter when it was just the two of you.

“You don’t sleep well at night, do you,” said Dean. “You look tired a lot.”

“That’s a way to win me over, insult me,” you said, putting enough snark in your voice for him to know it was a joke.

“I hear you next door at night. You’re getting nightmares again,” he said, your body growing tense. Dean had helped be that warm strong thing you needed in the dead of night, had helped so they became less frequent, went away altogether. Sleeping alone again was rough though and when you shared a wall with a demon, you never fell asleep feeling safe. 

The worst part was, it was only Sam you were worried about. Dean would never hurt you, this Dean would never do it and it made you want to pretend he was yours so badly you wanted to scream.

“Sorry, I’ll try to be quieter,” you said, Dean’s lips finding your forehead.

“You can come in here if you have one again. It used to help. You seemed much more relaxed just now then other nights when I see you,” said Dean, your head shifting to meet his gaze, his face close to yours.

“When do you see me?” you asked, a rush of heat coming to Dean’s cheeks before being replaced with something more neutral.

“I check on you at night, make sure you’re okay,” he said. “I’m not the easiest person to live with I realize.”

“You try,” you said softly, Dean relaxing his head on top of yours.

“I know you don’t really care but that means a lot to me,” said Dean, his voice different. Not cocky, arrogant, sexy. It was honest and vulnerable, even more so than when he took off days earlier.

Your eyes landed on those pink lips of his and you couldn’t keep from leaning up and pressing yours to them, a slow and short kiss but one that tried to take away his pain. Dean Winchester had plenty of that and the demon side probably did as well.

“You don’t have to do that,” said Dean, his lips still right there, close to yours. “Unless you want to.”

You answered by shifting your head and kissing him again, rougher and deeper, the taste of Dean everything you’d been craving and then some. Your fingers ran through his hair and you nearly moaned into his mouth. You’d missed his soft touches on you, his strong ones too, but you’d missed him and touching that skin, that muscle, a thousand times more.

Dean didn’t push you at all, allowing you to call the shots, straddle your legs over his torso to give you a better angle to kiss him deeper. He never moved, never tried to get you to do more but instead took what you gave, like he was savoring anything you were willing to give.

Before it could turn heated, you rolled off of him and back in your spot, as if it’d never happened.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about that,” said Dean, his arm back around you, holding your body safely tucked up to his.

“If you really want your family back, stop treating us like things you own and like people you’d do anything for,” you said, your fingers intertwined with his. “You get different with me, like today, like right now. If you were more like that all the time, with everyone, you might get what you want.”

It was a only a second but you felt another slight burn in you and a weight be released.

“You can go if you want,” said Dean. “I could only do it the once so deal or not, you don’t have to spend the day with me.”

You didn’t respond and stayed there with him, telling yourself you were getting really good at this playing along thing. You couldn’t be thinking this was real.

If you were  _actually_  falling for Dean as a demon, if you  _really_  were, you weren’t sure you were going to see your Dean ever again. 

 

“Y/N,” you heard Sam whisper early the next morning. You wiped your eyes as you found him in his pajamas standing over you. You hadn’t heard him come in the night before and Dean knew you were worried, staying with you until you fell asleep in your bed. Sam could never find out about the kiss, let him know he right to be concerned about how Dean was getting to you.

“What? What’d Jeff say?” you asked, waking up at the thought. Sam’s face showed nothing good.

“You know how I sometimes say you and Dean were made for each other?” asked Sam, your face already in confusion.

“Yeah?” you asked, watching Sam struggle how to say this.

“That thing inside you, it’s got to do with souls, soulmates specifically,” said Sam. “So you and Dean really were made for each other…”

“It’s time we three had a family talk,” said Dean loudly from your doorway, his anger pouring off of him that you’d started to figure things out. “Library. Ten minutes or so help me I will drag both your asses in there by the hairs on your heads.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Nine minutes. You two trying to piss me off?” asked Dean, pointing to the two seats he sat in front of him. You and Sam took your places, watching Dean’s body tense up as he looked between the two of you. “She’s good,” said Dean, pointing at you, shaking his head. “I’ll give you two that.”

“Give us what?” asked Sam, shrugging as Dean’s hands slammed down on the arm rests, caging Sam in.

“That  _fucking kiss_  yesterday, Sammy,” said Dean, Sam’s head whipping around to face yours. You gave him a look that it wasn’t important and hoped he’d let it slide as you had bigger problems at the moment. “Christ, I thought maybe she was actually starting to like me,” said Dean, twisting his head. “But you two are just… _conning me_  to get that thing out of you, aren’t you?”

“So what if we are?” you said, Dean’s hand shooting out and grasping your chin harshly.

“This is me still trying to be nice because honestly, I feel like beating the crap out of Sam and making you watch,” said Dean, his hand trailing down to give a tiny squeeze on your throat. “Or doing things to you and making Sam watch.”

“Why aren’t you then, I know about the infection you gave, Y/N,” said Sam, your eyes finding the black pulsing in your vein.

“You two were going to find out about it anyways,” said Dean, standing back and throwing his hands up in the air. “I’d hoped to convince you two to do this willingly but hey, you two wanted to open your Christmas presents early.”

“Dean, Sam said something about souls,” you said, Dean running a hand through his hair.

“Fine, story time,” said Dean, slapping his hands down to his sides. “Y/N and Dean were soulmates. Being a demon and all, I’m a twisted version of that soul but still technically her soulmate. Soulmates have a connection…we starting to get the picture, kiddos?”

“You infected me?” you said, standing up, Dean’s glare telling you to sit down.

“Yeah, whoops,” said Dean, shaking his head, carefully watching as you remained standing. “It’s a connection, plain and simple. I just turned it from the happy, love one to a demon one. All I had to do was touch you. You turn me back, it’ll kill you.”

“He’s lying about that,” you said, better able to feel the thing in you now, recognize it was that unbreakable bond you had with Dean. “It can’t kill me, I don’t think.”

“ _Fine, ya got me_ ,” said Dean holding up his hands. “I’m not telling everything right now but we’ve got a problem,  _all of us_ , and it’s why I came back,” said Dean. “We need to get Y/N’s soul back…from the cage.”

“Oh, thank god, I thought this was all real. Turns out I’m just crazy,” you said, taking a seat, taking your turn to wave your arms around. “My soul is in me jackass, you aren’t tricking us into going-”

“Dean’s right,” said a voice you hadn’t heard in months. Cas. “Hello.”

“Well now it’s a party!” said Dean, waving Cas to join you three. “We don’t want the little dork to miss out on all the fun.”

“Cas?” you and Sam asked in unison. You two hadn’t seen him since before Dean was killed. You’d started to think maybe he’d died too.

“God, you two are  _pathetic_ ,” said Dean, snapping his fingers to get your attention back on him. “You two, always looking to Dean for what to do, always looking to Cas. You two sniveling little things…I would think you’d love me! I’m all the authority and guidance you could ever want in Dean’s body. And all you want is that sorry excuse of a man back with all his pain and worthlessness.”

It came without warning but you were tired of how he was talking and your fist was flying towards his face before you could think about what you were doing. If he were human, it would have connected, rattled his jaw, sent a surge of pain through him as he rocked back on his feet. Instead all Dean did was turn his jaw and tilt his head, grasping your wrist roughly.

“Does someone need a time out?” he asked, snapping his fingers, finding your voice gone as you tried to yell at him. “Sit down and be a good girl for me.” Dean shoved you back towards your chair as your hand found your throat. “You can have your voice back when I say so. Now our good old Castiel was saying something before Y/N so rudely interrupted.”

“Dean was aware of a slight change in Y/N and asked me to investigate after we were briefly in the cage. Dean feared something was left behind like what happened to Sam,” said Cas, taking a seat at one of the tables, Dean sitting on top of one of the nearby tables.

“But I knew I was different when I didn’t have a soul, how come Y/N…she still sleeps and is herself,” said Sam, speaking for you. 

“The connection dumbass,” said Dean, pointing at Y/N. “She has a connection that’s still here so the soul is still kind of there. Think of her as having a really shitty wi-fi connection.”

You flipped him off and soon found your hands pinned to your sides by an unseen force.

“You used to be so sweet,” said Dean, glaring at you. “Like when you cuddled up with me all day yesterday.”

“Cas, you’re saying Y/N’s soul is in the cage?” asked Sam, doing his best to ignore Dean, Cas nodding in response. Cas looked sad though, like he was afraid you and Sam were upset with him for staying away.

“Dean tasked me with retrieving it, for Y/N or yourself not to risk anything by going after it,” said Cas, ducking his head down. “He made me promise if he didn’t make it back, to do this without either of you knowing. He said you two would need to try to move on.”

“Like I said, he was a sap,” said Dean, your anger growing again as he spoke poorly about his prior self. “But he had the right idea. We need Y/N’s soul back and the gang’s all here so what do you say? Partners?”

“You have an alternate motive,” said Cas, standing and approaching Dean. “You want her to have her soul back, that is true but you’re hiding something.”

“Wow,” said Dean, slapping his hands down on Cas’ shoulders. “Nothing gets past this guy, am I right?”

“I sense sarcasm,” said Cas, shrugging Dean off of him. Dean looked as if he were starting to get mad with the angel and the last thing you needed was them fighting. Besides, you needed your soul back and having it in the cage with Lucifer and Michael was not a place you wanted it to be.

You made a mumbling sound, turning all three men’s attention on you. You only looked to Dean though. It wasn’t hard to look defeated and submissive for him since that was your reality at the moment. He waited a moment, staring you down before snapping his fingers.

“Thanks,” you said, moving your arms again. “It sucks but…having Dean will help get it out. God knows what Lucifer and Michael have been doing to it.”

“It’s safe, hidden, but safe,” said Dean, your head tilt making him laugh. “Sweetheart, I’d know if someone had been poking and prodding it. I got that whole Hell connection too.”

“All we have to do is go in the cage, avoid Lucifer and Michael, find the soul, and bring it back with everyone in one piece,” said Sam, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s that easy,” said Dean. “So are the three stooges in?”

“We’re in,” said the three of you in unison. But you had another reason of why you wanted to go in. You wanted your soul back but you knew you’d have to do something else in there, something no one could know about. Sam and Cas weren’t coming in the cage with you, not in a million years would you let that happen.

Dean gave you a smile as he caught your face pulling you aside when Sam and Cas went to work.

“I wonder which one of us will find it first,” said Dean, his lips brushing your ear. “I really hope it’s me. We’ll have so much fun if it’s me.”

“I hope it’s you too,” you said, sensing the surprise run through him. “I’d hate for your little infection to go away when I get my soul back. Then I’d get to hunt you down and cure you. It’d be so sad for me to lose the company of a cocky asshole demon but I think I’d find a way to survive.”

Dean tensed but said nothing, only bumping his shoulder into yours as he walked away. You were close, so close to having Dean back you could feel it. All you had to do was beat Dean at his own game.

Crap.


	9. Chapter 9

“Nice sweetheart, I’m sure Sam and Wings never saw that coming,” said Dean, the two of you standing in a never ending white space.

“By the time they wake up, we’ll have found it and be ready to leave,” you said, spinning around, taking in the cage. You’d visited the outer shell of it before but thanks to some spell work, you’d broken farther in this time.

“This way,” said Dean, taking your hand, leading off toward nothing. You were sure he thought he could feel it but as soon as you took a step in that place, you knew he was going the wrong way.

“Let’s split up, cover more ground,” you said, shaking your hand free. Dean squinted an eye but released you.

“Great idea,” he said, giving you a once over as you smiled to himself. “See you soon, Y/N.” He paused a beat before turning and taking off, you breaking into a run the other direction. You had no idea what he was after but you could feel your soul down there, knew exactly where to go. In no time at all you came to a lone white door, a bright light emitting from underneath it.

Strangely, it didn’t hurt to get your soul back. It tingled for sure but there was nothing on top of that, no pain or memories. For some reason, it found a safe little corner of the cage to hide in until you came and got it. 

“You found it?” asked Dean, suddenly running into view, probably already sensing a shift in you.

“Yeah, you lose,” you said, Dean’s face souring. “And Dean?”

“What,” he said, already turned away, heading towards where you came in to wait for your pick up.

“This is going to hurt,” you said, quickly pulling the cuffs from behind you and placing them behind his back.

“You bitch, you’re going to leave me here?” he asked, falling to his knees easily. You nodded your head as you pulled a zip tie from your backpack and tied his feet together.

“Nope,” you said, pulling the cooler from your pack, opening it so he could see what was inside. Plenty of blood, ready to go. “I’m going to cure you in here.”

“Let me go right now or I swear-”

“I want my Dean back,” you said, throwing a hand over his lips as you pulled out something to put over his mouth. You could hear the snarl under the material as you pulled away and grabbed the first syringe. You stabbed it in his neck, Dean growling and shouting curses you imagined at you. You pulled out your clock and took a seat next to your pack, watching Dean look as if he were in pain.

He looked at you with pleading eyes. Green eyes that could be Dean’s if you didn’t know any better. But with your soul back, you could sense he was all wrong, his was twisted and needed you to fix him. 

“Only seven hours, fifty nine minutes to go,” you said, Dean’s face turning hard as he shouted again. 

This was going to be the longest eight hours of your life.

 

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” said Sam, rubbing your arm as you waited outside of the dungeon back at home. You didn’t like the idea of Dean waking up human, tied to a chair in the bunker but you were already in enough trouble for sidelining Sam and Cas earlier.

“Guys,” you heard Cas say, both you and Sam rushing in. Dean was starting to stir, his skin still pricked with the red marks from where you’d stabbed into him. Your heart raced and you forgot how to breathe for a moment. What if he was still a demon?

Dean let out a groan as he lifted his head. He blinked a few times before his eyes landed on you three. Fuck, they were still black. You nearly broke down but then they started to clear, Dean shaking his head and blinking as the black disappeared and Dean’s worried green eyes replaced them.

“Hey,” he said to no one in particular. Then his gaze fell on you and he gave a tired smile. “You got your soul back.”

“You too,” you said, walking over to untie him. Finally it was over, everyone was back with nothing demon in them. You were going to be okay again.

 

“Need anything?” you asked Dean, running a hand through his hair as he lay in bed that night. He was beat but he didn’t want you to baby him, your old Dean. You’d missed him so much.

“Just you,” he said, holding your hand, his touch so much kinder and loving than the demon version, no fear whatsoever. “Where’d your stuff go? Did you move out after you thought I…”

“No, I uh…when you came back as a demon you kicked me out to my old room,” you said, running your hand over his arm.

“Guy sounds like an ass,” said Dean, reaching up to stroke your cheek. You leaned into it as you put your hand on his. “Everything I did to you, I’m so sorry,” he said, only stopping when you kissed him. This was the one you’d been waiting for, the kiss where he was kissing you back.

“He wasn’t my Dean,” you said, lips close to his. “You are.”

“Someday when I’m not so tired and thankful at how amazing you are…” said Dean, finding the strength to pull you down into your old sleeping spot. “I’m going to be mad about you going in the cage alone.”

“You knew we were soulmates and didn’t tell me,” you said, turning on your side, Dean chuckling.

“I guess that makes us even then,” he said, turning his head, offering a large smile. “I didn’t want you to think you had to stay with me, that you had options to find someone better.”

“Nah, I’d rather stay here with you,” you said, wrapping an arm over his chest, curling up against his side. His arm found it’s way around your shoulders but again you were hit with the feeling that this was how it was supposed to be, safe and good with your Dean, not that other one. “We’ve got this connection you see.”

“Good one,” said Dean, his lips finding yours, lingering a long time before pulling back. “Tomorrow, I want to know what happened while I was…different. Promise you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Of course baby,” you said, already having written this speech in your head. There were definitely certain parts he would never find out about, more so for his own good but you’d tell him most of it.

“I’m going to fall asleep any second,” said Dean, yawning as he snuggled into you. 

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” you said, Dean smiling as he kissed you good night. “Never leaving your side again.”

 

When you woke the next morning, it was perfect, exactly how you’d hoped. Dean’s arm around your waist, soft snores on the back of your neck, his warmth all around you. He made his way to the kitchen with you, helping a little with breakfast as he was still recovering but happy as could be. Sam and Cas joined you and you ate your meal together, like old times. Eventually Cas got called off on angel matters but he promised he’d be in touch and wouldn’t stay away as long again.

You got Dean in the shower and helped cut his hair back to how it normally was, a smile on your face as you saw him throw on some nice plaid. He looked so similar to the demon version but there wasn’t a trace of that thing left in him. 

“Go take care of yourself for a little while,” said Dean, spinning you back around when you tried to leave the bathroom. “Sam can take over making sure I don’t pass out in the hall and hit my head for a few hours.”

“You sure?” you asked, Dean smiling.

“Yeah. Plus I might get to see you naked this way,” he said, your eye roll evident but your smirk apparent as well.

“We’ll save  _that_  for when you’re all better, Dean,” you said, patting him on the chest, Dean laughing as he left you be. You were positive the smile on your face would be a permanent feature as everything felt so right again, like you could feel Dean better than ever. You were so happy you even sang as you stepped in the shower, something you rarely did and never when the others were home. But nothing could kill your mood.

Except for that flash you knew you’d imagined as you washed your arm. You waited, sure that you had just gotten so used to it that you were seeing things. You counted the sixty seconds it had always taken for it to pass through.

“No,” you said, falling to your knees, the water pouring down over you as you saw that black trickle appear for a brief moment before disappearing. “No.”

You were still infected and it suddenly made sense why demon Dean went the other way. He  _wanted_  you to have your soul back,  _wanted_ you to be the one to find it. He must have known it wouldn’t cure you of him.

“I turned him human,” you said, backing up to sit against the shower wall. “I did exactly what Dean wanted.”

“Hey, so I used up most of the soap…Y/N?” asked Dean, coming in and noticing your panic, instantly rushing to your side. “What happened?”

“We have a problem.”

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

“Sam!” you heard Dean shout the second he had some clothes on you. You knew you were panicking a bit but Dean seemed even worse off than yourself. “Sam!”

“Dean baby, calm down, we’ll figure it out,” you said, running a hand through his hair to try and calm him down. You desperately needed him to relax. Then again, he didn’t know a single thing about what was inside you and had a right to worry.

“What the hell…” Sam said before he caught sight of you holding up your wrist. “Fuck.”

“What is this?” asked Dean, holding your arm so tightly you could feel him shaking. “You tell me right now that you did not sell your soul for me. We made a promise,” he said, turning his head to yours. “You and I, we-”

“I didn’t sell anything Dean,” you said, cupping his cheek. You could see it in his eyes, the terror that you’d broken your word to him. “No one’s going to hell.”

“You better not be lying to me,” said Dean, pulling you into a tight embrace. You shushed him, never seeing him like this before. 

“I promise, Dean,” you said, letting him wrap himself around you. You looked at Sam who was as confused as you were.

“He’s never…” said Sam, not sure how to say this in front of Dean. Dean’s hold on you fell away as you moved out into the hall, already thinking of what books to go grab in the library.

“Where the hell are you two going?” asked Dean bitterly, both you and Sam stopping and about facing, heads down. “There’s nothing  _wrong_  with me being scared about losing, Y/N. I’ve always felt like this but  _excuse me_  for getting caught up in the moment when I have no clue what’s fucking happening.”

You waited, expecting more when you heard Dean scoff, slap his hands down to his sides. 

“What did I do to you two that I’ve somehow trained you to stand there like that?” said Dean, your head popping up. You’d gotten so used to Dean barking orders when you were finding ways into the cage that it was hard not to do what he’d ingrained in you for over a month with all his rules. He’d only been in your lives two months and still he managed to have a hold over you.

“Come on baby,” you said, holding out a hand for him. He took it cautiously, trusting you but knowing something was very much wrong. “We need to tell Dean what happened while he was gone.”

“Even the stuff we weren’t going to tell?” asked Sam, your head shaking in response. You two had gotten pretty good at picking up on the others cues over the past six months when it was just the two of you. The way Dean jerked his hand back told you exactly what he thought that statement meant too.

“Did you two…get together?” asked Dean, avoiding your face. You walked up and grabbed his hand, dragging him down the hall towards the library. 

“The worst thing we did together…” you said, feeling Dean tense up so much it hurt that he could think you’d ever get over him. “Was also the best thing for us. We were so wound up with trying to get you back, then we found out you were a demon and we still couldn’t find you. So we got drunk one night, bawled our eyes out and thought about how we’d always look for you but…we had to hunt again, give ourselves a break.”

“We weren’t in good places for a while,” said Sam, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “We’d figured it out too, how to balance the work, how to laugh again. Then you moved back in and it went to shit.”

“I moved back in?” asked Dean, using his arm to pull you against his chest, wordlessly apologizing for thinking you and Sam could have become something more.

“Scared the crap out of me and gave me this,” you said, waving your arm. “Although you did pick out a ridiculously hot leather jacket at the mall that one time.”

“I went to a mall? Willingly? I must have been a demon,” said Dean, rubbing the back of your hand. “Tell me everything guys.”

 

Sam had finished talking about five minutes ago and Dean took that as his cue to rest his head in his hands. You knew he’d need to process it all, what went on as a demon. But he was starting to concern you with the way he sat there, breathing deeply.

“I don’t even know what to apologize for first. I honestly can’t…” said Dean, putting his hands down. “And Y/N is infected so there’s that.”

“You were pretty vague on what happens if we cure you when I have this infection. Jeff didn’t know anything about that part of it,” said Sam, resting his head against his hand. “It might hurt, Y/N or kill her. We just don’t know.”

“How do you feel?” asked Dean, reaching across the table to hold your hand. An hour earlier you’d felt on top of the world. Now you had started to find yourself having stray thoughts as Sam explained things to Dean, thoughts you didn’t like one bit.

“Something’s wrong with me, I can tell,” you said, holding Dean’s hand. “This is going to sound crazy and wrong on so many levels but I…I want him back.”

“The demon version of him, that’s what you  _want_?” asked Sam, pointing at his brother.

“Don’t get mad at me for it,” you said defensively. “This thing in me is craving him and the longer it can’t have him, the more it feels like it’s doing something inside of me.”

“Fight it,” said Sam, your anger getting to be too much as you stood and slammed your arms down on the chair rests, blocking him in.

“ _I am_ ,” you said, leaning down to growl at him. You stared him down, so much hatred for Sam filling you that you almost didn’t hear Dean as he yelled at you to back off. “S-sorry,” you said, backing up. “Get this thing out of me before I hurt someone.”

“Jeff?” you heard Sam say into his phone, offering a smile to you but also nodding to Dean to keep an eye on you. “Yeah, Sam Winchester. Listen, that infection…yeah, what if hypothetically we cured the demonized soul, made it human again but the infection is still there. How would we get rid of the infection?…Are you sure? 100%?…Thanks. No were good,” said Sam hanging up the phone. “Fuck!”

“Sammy?” you and Dean asked in unison. He shook his head as he plucked up the courage to look the two of you in the face.

“We’ve got two really shitty options, both uncertain of what the hell will actually happen,” said Sam, clearing his throat. “We let the infection run it’s course and hope it doesn’t kill Y/N.”

“I ain’t sitting around hoping, Sam,” said Dean, standing up and walking behind you. He put his hand on your shoulder, rubbing circles into it with his palm. “The other option?”

“We need the demon version of you back. If he’s here, the infection won’t hurt her, he told us that enough times. We’d have to try to convince him to remove it and then cure Dean again,” said Sam, already seeing what you couldn’t.

“No,” you said at the same time Dean was saying yes. “Dean.”

“Demon Dean,” said Dean, walking around in front of you and kneeling. “It sounds like he’s got a soft spot for you. It’ll suck and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you for whatever he does, I promise I will…but this is the only way you’ll be safe.”

“No,” you said, shoving his hands off of you, finding yourself nearly seeing red. “I’m not putting you through that again, either of you.”

“Okay, okay,” said Dean, standing up, stepping away to give you some air. You were about to thank him when you caught Sam’s face. You scrambled out of your chair but both of them at once, even with Dean weaker than normal, you didn’t stand a chance.

“No, don’t do this,” you said, squirming as Sam lifted you off the ground, taking you toward your room. 

“If you calm down,  _when_  you calm down and realize this is the only way, you can help us,” said Dean, walking down the hall in front of you and Sam. You’d done so much to get Dean back, you couldn’t stand the idea of losing him again. 

You nearly got away from Sam as Dean put some warding on the wall just outside your shared bedroom. He’d done it once before when you were cursed but that was more for your own safety than anything else. 

“Please don’t,” you said, standing in the middle of the room, watching the two stand near the entrance. “I don’t want-”

“You said it yourself, you want him,” said Dean, voice a little broken. “You’ll convince him. You’re really good at getting me to do what you want. It’ll be okay.” You shouted something inarticulate that made both men jump back a little.

“Fine, you win,” you said, shaking your head. “We’ll do it your way. But so help me if I can’t get you back.”

“You will. You’re good at saving me,” said Dean, a sad smile on his face. You took a hesitant step forward, making sure they still weren’t going to lock you away. “Come on sweetheart, we can use all the help we can get.”

 

“Y/N?” asked Dean, late that night as you lay in bed together. Your back was to him as his fingers played with your hair. “I know you’re mad at me.”

“I told you before, this thing in me wants the demon back, not me. If I have to spend another second with him I’ll tie him up and throw him in the dungeon,” you said, inching farther away from Dean.

“That might be the safest place to keep me,” said Dean, his hand pulling away, the one over your waist retreating back. 

“I don’t want you to go. Last night I told you I’d never leave your side again,” you said, turning to face him, fisting your hands in his shirt as you burrowed your head in it. “I don’t want to fight with you while we find a safe way to change you. Can we please pretend it’s going to be alright, for one night?”

“We don’t have to pretend sweetheart,” said Dean, shushing you, his hands running up and down your back as you felt the first tears begin to escape from you. “I promise it’ll be alright. When it’s all said and done, I got a sweet new jacket out of it, huh? So we’ve got that.”

“You’re ridiculous,” you said, laughing as Dean’s lips rested against your forehead but quickly coming back to yourself. “Why won’t you let me go? Turning yourself demon for me is up there with soul selling.”

“Good thing we never made a deal about going dark side,” said Dean. “Although I suspect when things get back to normal you’ll want to add that in there.”

“You shouldn’t be doing this,” you said, Dean’s hands gently taking your wrist and pressing a kiss to it. 

“I’m going to get this out of you, Y/N,” said Dean, the black running through you. “You’re not his, no matter how he tries to twist this. I’m going to protect you however I can. If I have to be a demon for a little while to do that, then so be it.”

“You’re a really good soulmate,” you said, kissing him briefly. “Anyone ever tell you that?”

“I think I’m the one with the better half,” said Dean, green eyes staring into yours like he knew they were limited for now. “I should have told you when I found out. It wasn’t right to keep something like that from you.”

“I don’t care about that, Dean,” you said. “I always knew, even if I didn’t, ya know?”

“Me too,” said Dean, tucking your head under his chin, into the crook of his neck. For a moment you were calm, letting yourself get lost in his embrace. But it felt like you couldn’t breathe, everything too tight and you had to push him away. You sat up and coughed, Dean’s hand on your back as he handed you a glass of water from his bedside table. You took one sip and knew instantly you didn’t have much time to figure this out.

“Dean,” you said, turning around, the blood you coughed up now in the water.

“Try to sleep,” he said, shifting your pillows so you could sit up in case you started coughing again. “We’ll get a game plan going in the morning. Try not to think about it.”

“Dean?” you asked, seeing that he wanted to go off and start researching right this second. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t know if this’ll be the last time we get to sleep next to each other for a while.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll stay.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Sam, we found nothing yesterday,” said Dean’s to his younger brother as you entered the library. “We’ve got to…Y/N.”

“You look kind of…” said Sam, shrugging his shoulder.

“S’only a cold guys,” you said, taking a seat farther away from Dean than you liked but you didn’t want him getting sick too. “Come on,” you said, cracking opening a book. “Yesterday was only the first day. We’ll find something soon.”

“I know,” said Dean, sliding in to the seat next to you anyways. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

“Sam, it’s been four days and…Y/N go back to bed, now,” said Dean, standing and grabbing you before you could even make it up the steps to your work area.

“I’ve got a stuffy nose, not a big-” you stopped when Dean grabbed a tissue and wiped at the sleep left in the corner of your eyes. You expected the small slimy substance, not something that looked like black tar. Swiping at your other eye you found more there. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” said Dean, hugging you, his hold on you too tight to hide his fear.

“We’ve got calls out to other hunters, we’ll find a way to change Dean back,” said Sam, Dean nodding his head against yours, even if he was afraid of becoming a demon again.

“I made a call of my own,” you said, coaxing Dean out of his death grip on you and taking his hand in yours. 

“Crowley?” asked the boys in unison but you were shaking your head. A knock at the door answered for you. Sam jumped out of his seat to go answer while Dean watched skeptically.

“Y/N, you called  _her_?” asked Sam, a short red head already skipping past him and down the stairs.

“Rowena, get the hell out of my house,” said Dean, a smile tugging itself from your lips.

“Sure he still isn’t a demon, dearie?” asked Rowena, walking past you and putting her bag on the table. She didn’t seem to pay much attention to the black residue on your face. “Well, come on, we don’t have all day.”

“There’s always a catch,” said Dean, stepping in front of you. You turned to roll your eyes at Sam but he wasn’t going to be much help either as he too separated you from the witch.

“There was one with Crowley, nearly cost us,” said Sam, glancing over his shoulder at you.

“Back off,” you said. It was loud and more forceful than you were expecting, submissiveness and weakness plaguing you for the past few months. “Rowena and I aren’t exactly friends but mutual respect and all that. Plus, she owes me.”

“For what?” asked Sam and Dean, turning to face you. You raised an eyebrow and silently told them it could wait.

“Fine. As long as there’s no strings attached, Rowena can help,” said Dean, running a hand through his hair.

“Thank you for the permission Paul Bunyan,” said Rowena, Dean squinting at her as she tossed him his red and black flannel. “But us gals have to do some things alone first. Come back in twenty minutes.”

“She tries anything…” said Dean, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off towards the garage with Sam. You knew they weren’t happy but ironically, Rowena was probably the safest person to go to for this.

“That boy’s all twisted up inside,” said Rowena, offering a sad smile. “Such a shame we’ll have to turn him into an asshole.”

“You brought it? The Book of the Damned?” you asked, Rowena pulling it from her bag.

“Yes, yes, we’ll get to that,” she said, giving the thick leather bound book a look of disgust. “It won’t be pretty for him. First we need to get you ready.”

“Ready for what?” you said, taking a seat at the table, your body too tired to try to stand anymore. Rowena laughed as if it were obvious.

“Dearie, you’re dying as we speak,” she said, the hard truth of her statement hitting home. “I’ll just do a little spell-”

“Fuck, Rowena, I thought we had an arrangement. We don’t fuck with each other,” you said, shaking your head. 

“Glad to see our trust runs deep,” she said, placing a hand on her hip. “If you want to go through transforming tall, blonde and handsome while you’re coughing up a lung, that’s your choice. It’s a simple healing spell, found in practically any lore book worth a damn.”

You eyed her as she grabbed one of the spell books you’d been working out of the day before. Quickly she pointed out the spell and you relented. It would buy you about a day of not feeling any worse. You’d used it once yourself when Sam was injured badly and Cas wasn’t around.

“Sorry, I’m just under a lot of stress right now,” you said, nodding your head. “You can do it.”

“The things these boys put us through,” she said, walking around the table and rubbing your shoulder. “Let’s get started.”

 

“You look better,” said Dean, a smile on his face as he took in the color in your cheeks again and your body appearing free from any black marks for the moment.

“It’s a temporary fix,” said Rowena, motioning for Dean to sit. “Where’s the moose?”

“Right here,” said Sam, carrying a mug of chicken noodle soup in for you. “Eat up kiddo.”

“Thanks,” you said, taking a sip and forcing it down with a smile, even if you never felt like eating again. You might have looked better but you could feel that certain things were off with you and were going to stay that way until demon Dean was back.

“Sam, be a dear and grab these things for me and meet us in that dungeon of yours,” said Rowena, handing Sam a list of supplies.

“No,” you and Dean said, sharing a look.

“We’ll do it in the bedroom,” said Dean, squeezing your hand. “We got to convince him to remove the infection and if he wakes up in a demon trap…”

“Rowena better be out of here by the time he changes or we don’t know what he’ll do,” said Sam, Rowena understanding the risk.

“I plan to be out of the state by the time that happens,” said Rowena. “Sam?”

“I’ll meet you guys in there,” said Sam, dashing out as Dean’s hand held yours tightly. 

“If I’m not going to turn you back, if you don’t think it’s going to happen, you lock me in that dungeon and forget about me, understand?” said Dean, his heart racing so fast you could feel it in his veins.

“You did that thing you were going to?” you asked, Dean nodding. 

“It’s in your room, in your desk drawer,” he said. “Last resort remember?”

“Come on before you two get unbearable,” said Rowena, picking up the book and waving you to follow.

“Ready?” you asked him, rubbing the top of his hand with yours. He smiled. There was no way he’d ever be ready for this.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said, smiling, staying strong for you. “Bring me back soon, sweetheart. I don’t know how long I can stand to be away from you again.”

“I promise. This’ll all be over soon, everyone safe again,” you said, resting your forehead against his. You knew there was more he wanted to say but you knew what it was already. You’d had that conversation before and you didn’t need to have it again.

“Let’s go turn me into a demon.”


	12. Chapter 12

It turned out there was a reason you hadn’t found a spell to turn a human into a demon in any of the lore. Only the Book of the Damned had it and you understood perfectly well. You had to do so much to a soul to turn it dark like that, poke at it and pull at it for so long before it even thought about letting some of that darkness in.

Dean had shouted and thrashed and dug into your bed so hard he’d ripped the sheets. For an hour or so he was like that and you could only think of how things must have been when he was in Hell. But Dean managed to keep it together, cracking jokes in his moments of rest from it all, offering you reassuring smiles.

“Oh,” you said at the same time after a while. You felt warm and tingly for a moment, Dean’s calm breathing indicating he was feeling it too. It was actually pleasant and you wouldn’t have minded if it had stayed with you indefinitely.  Then you actually felt it. A small jolt of energy came back to you as Dean started to relax as if he were about to fall asleep.

“This is…weird,” he said, less discomfort in his voice now. “Rowena, you’d probably better get out of here unless you want to wind up dead.”

Before you could even peel your eyes away from Dean she was gone, leaving you and Sam to watch over Dean. 

“I can…I can kind of feel it happening, I don’t want you guys around to watch,” said Dean, catching the smiles on your and Sam’s faces. “Worth a shot to get you two to not have to see this.”

“We aren’t leaving you big guy,” said Sam, patting Dean’s arm from where he sat on the other side of the bed. 

“Take care of her for me,” said Dean, turning his head to Sam, the effort taking a lot out of him. “I know she’s strong, tougher than me, that’s for sure. But make sure nothing happens to her for me Sammy.”

“You got it but it’s temporary,” said Sam, both of you noticing Dean’s chest was rising and falling very slowly now. “That’s your job.”

“Y/N, same goes for you. Take care of my little brother,” said Dean, really using up the last of his energy this time to turn to you and move his hand around yours. “Whatever you did before, you two were handling it and each other. I need you guys to do that for me again.”

“Of course, Dean,” you said, kissing him softly before pulling back, knowing it’d be your last, possibly ever. The three of you stayed quiet as you saw Dean’s chest fall and his eyes shut. His hand went limp in yours as you sucked in a breath.

Sam and you managed to keep it together apart from a few sniffles. It was a see you later, not goodbye forever. At least you prayed it wasn’t forever. 

“He’s going to wake up soon,” you said, voice raw from swallowing so many gulps in the past ten minutes as Dean had been in-between places. “I feel better, perfectly fine again.”

“Good,” said Sam, letting go of Dean’s other hand and sitting back. “That just leaves us with him as a problem then. Playing nice to get the infection out…do you think he’ll remember us? Being a demon the first time around?”

“I honestly don’t know,” you said, unable to pull away your hand away like Sam. Until those eyes flashed open and you saw black, that was your Dean, and you were holding on as long as you could.

A few moments passed and you felt his blood start to move, his hand warm again and you finally sat back, heart racing as you and Sam both waited. His body seemed to come back to it before his head, the intake of air again, the twitches and squirms. You saw a sliver of black when his eyes flew open. He blinked and they were replaced with familiar green eyes that were confused.

“Aw, guys…” said Dean, smiling darkly as he sat up and looked between you two. “You missed me that much you brought me back?”

You could see Sam want to snap back at him but he kept his cool and offered a gentle smile to the demon.

“Yeah, Dean,” said Sam, keeping his words to a minimum.

“Hiya, sweetheart, thanks for changing your mind,” said Dean, understanding perfectly well why you did.

“For you Dean, anything.”

And you’d thought it was hard before living with him. The reality of trying to get him to change his mind was finally hitting you as Dean hopped off the bed and pressed a fast kiss to your cheek. He remembered, that much was for sure but you remembered too. Dean had wanted this sequence of events to happen and you were sure he knew all about the spell in the book to turn him demon. 

He had a plan and you were still playing into it, even if you knew you were. Whatever he was after, you were going to have to not just pretend not to shudder when he was in a room with you. You were going to try not to roll your eyes when he spoke.

You were going to have to get him to  _like you, trust you_. You’d done a fairly good job of it before when Dean was a demon but you’d had that problem of starting to feel something for him.

You had that problem of your infection feeling like it didn’t exist at the moment, the problem of being drawn to Dean even if you despised him at the moment. You hoped that you and Sam and Dean’s last resort that was in your desk would be enough. At the very least, you hoped you would be able to do what Dean had asked and put him the dungeon if it wasn’t going to work. Sam and you both knew that he had the potential to convince the two of you to do what he asked and that downright terrified you. But even if you didn’t have much of it, hope was hope, even if this was going to take a long time. You stood and put on a smile as you followed Dean out of the room.

You just prayed that you hadn’t seen the last of your Dean for good.


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey, you want to go out to eat tonight? I don’t feel like cooking,” said Dean, riffling through the cupboards as you followed him into the kitchen with Sam on your heels.

“Whatever you want Dean,” you said, the demon smiling as he turned to face you two.

“See?  _This_  is what I was talking about! One big happy family again,” said Dean, grabbing his coat from where he had left it at the kitchen table. “Y/N, you’re feeling up to it? I imagine things got rough there for you for a while.”

“I’m better now,” you said, Dean ushering you and Sam to your rooms to grab your jackets. Sam broke off and was told to meet you and Dean in the garage as the freshly made demon followed you to your room.

“Tonight I’d like to talk to you in private,” said Dean, waiting in your doorway as you pulled on a pair of boots.

“Sure, Dean,” you said, a scoff erupting from him that made you whip your head up.

“I’ll admit, I do like when you do what I say but talk back a little. It’s more fun like that,” said Dean, sticking his hands in his pockets. Of course there was a large part of you that wanted to protest but you found yourself looking at him again like he was yours and after seeing Dean in bed earlier… “Don’t get upset, I’m right here.”

“Yeah, just a long day,” you said, wiping your face with your sleeve before any tears could escape. “Let’s grab Sam and head out.” For once Dean didn’t push it, only gave a small rub on your back as you walked past. Maybe the demon would give you a break today.

 

“I don’t know about you but my burger was delicious,” said Dean, wandering into you room around ten, Sam already off to bed after you forced him into it. He’d had a rough day too and you needed to know something was okay right now.

“Mine was good,” you said, your back against your headboard, knees tucked into your chest. You’d been waiting for him ever since you got home and crawled into bed. 

“Right, no need to beat around the bush,” said Dean, moving in to sit at the end of your bed cross legged. His hand reached out to pull your blanket down over your always cold toes as he gave them a squeeze to warm them up. “I always knew we’d end up here.”

“I figured that out when I was dying,” you said, no real fight in your voice. “You wanted me to have my soul back. Thanks for that I suppose.”

“You’re welcome,” said Dean, raising an eyebrow of his own. “You don’t want to know why?”

“You won’t tell me anyways,” you said, resting your chin on your knees. “I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.”

“You’ve changed,” he said, moving both hands over your feet, the demon’s warmth unexpected. 

“The infection…only you can remove it,” you said, staring at your feet. “If I want you to trust me I have to start trusting you. That won’t work if I’m constantly ripping your head off. Someday I hope we get to the point where you know that you don’t have to have this thing in me for me to be yours.”

“I’m not taking it out,” said Dean, one of his hands moving to your wrist. “This is the only thing that lets me know I can trust you not to turn me.”

“That’s why I said  _someday_  Dean,” you said, tilting your head up to face him. He looked annoyed, cocky, arrogant. He was your demon again alright. “It’ll take time. Sam and I understand better now. We’ll actually try, no tricks.”

“For some reason I actually believe you,” said Dean, smiling darkly. “In fact, I’ll make you a deal right now about removing it.”

“Really?” you asked, perking up as Dean ran his thumb over your skin. He hummed as he flashed you a smile.

“God no,” he said with a dark laugh. “If for some reason I ever even  _considered_  taking it out, it’d be my choice and don’t expect that to happen for…well a few decades most likely. You get me or you die, and sweetheart, you picked me whether you like it or not.”

“I guess I did,” you said, looking at your feet again. “But I would think you’d be able to see that I’m willing to try. I could have died,  _would_  have died. Yet here we are. I brought you back because maybe you can try too and we can make this thing work. For a moment back then, we might have been moving to that point.”

“Your acting’s improved, I’ll give you that,” he said, watching a flash of anger cross your face. “Fine, maybe you’re telling the truth. If you are, why does it matter if you’re infected? As much as it is a threat over you if you cure or kill me, it has benefits.”

“Like what?” you asked, debating whether to throw Dean in the dungeon for the rest of your life and settle this for good.

“It’ll keep you safe,” said Dean, his hand running up and down your leg. You sighed, burrowing your head into your knees, content with never raising it up again. “I did always want you back, demon or not. If you’re going to give it an honest try, maybe someday it’ll come out. I just don’t want you to do this for the infection. Do it for the right reasons.”

You scooted down the bed, close to Dean’s lap as he stiffened up a bit. 

“What are you doing?” he asked when you picked up his hand and put it to your cheek.

“Trying,” you said, pretending it was your Dean, that it was the same gentle touch from that morning. 

“You watched him change today,” said Dean. “You’ll probably have nightmares about that, won’t you?” You shrugged. You imagined so as you’d had nightmares about him returning to a black eyed monster for the past several nights. “We should get some sleep.”

“G’night, Dean,” you said, pulling away from him. His hand slid from your face to the back of your neck, his fingers dipping into your hair.

“Come on,” he said, looking as if he might lean in and kiss you before his hand fell away completely. “You want to try, let’s try the whole sleeping next to each other thing again.”

Dean walked with you to his room, watched as you crawled into the bed you’d shared with Dean the night before. You heard Dean flip off the light and slip into bed next to you, his arm falling over your waist. You hummed as you inched back closer to him, Dean’s hold on you tighter.

“Sweet dreams,” he said, kissing your cheek good night. 

When you woke the next morning, Dean was still wrapped around you, snoring lightly against your skin. You didn’t think twice about turning over, catching sight of his bedhead and his morning smirk before kissing him.

“Morning,” you said, not quite remembering that wasn’t your Dean. Dean let out a stretch and fluttered his eyes open, the little slivers of black turning green as they woke up.

“Morning sunshine,” he said, kissing you on the nose. “That’s new,” he said. “You’re pulse is so calm I’d say you might have the hots for me or something.” You said nothing as you looked at him and counted the freckles on his face like you always did in the mornings. “You’re falling for me kid and by the time you hit the ground, you’ll have forgotten all about the other Dean.”

As you lay there taking him in, you desperately hoped you’d be strong enough to prove him wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey! I thought we were going running this morning,” said Sam, standing in his workout gear, sporting a decent pout and his puppy dog eyes. 

“You know my ankle’s still bothering me from Wednesday’s hunt,” you said, pointing down at your bandaged foot. Sam scowled and crossed his arms.

“I know,” he said, kicking at the floor. “We haven’t gone in a while is all.”

“I could help her out,” said Dean, skipping into the kitchen, carrying the groceries in. “It won’t take too much out of me to fix an ankle.”

“Really?” you asked, sitting up and giving Dean puppy dog eyes of your own. 

“Sam’s right, it’s been practically a month since you’ve gone. You can’t cuddle up with me in bed every morning,” said Dean, ruffling your hair and leaving his hand on top of it. You felt a warmth spread from his fingertips down through your body, the quiet ache in your ankle disappearing.

“Thanks dude,” said Sam, slapping Dean on the back. “Let’s take tonight off and not find a hunt for once, okay? Maybe go out?”

“I think our little Sammy’s lookin’ for a gal to spend some time with this evening,” said Dean, raising his eyebrows. Sam scoffed but you couldn’t help but agree with Dean. “Y/N’s always been a great wing woman for you. I’m sure she’ll find a cutie for ya.”

“Shut up you two,” said Sam, biting back a smile. “Go change, Y/N and we’ll head to the park.”

“Careful with Baby,” said Dean, tossing Sam the keys as you unwrapped your foot and tossed the bandage in the drawer you kept medical supplies.

“Which one?” Sam joked, tilting his head towards you. You kept your face neutral for the most part, apart from a tiny smirk Dean caught.

“You know which one,” said Dean, giving you a wink. “Come on, go change sweetheart before Sam takes off without you.”

“See ya later, Dean,” you said, waving your fingers at him as you headed towards your room.

 

“We have to start doing this regularly again,” you said, Sam and you deciding to not push yourselves too hard your first day back and walk the few miles back to the Impala.

“Yeah,” said Sam, looking around as you saw no one in sight. It was a cool and drizzling day and you were the only two you’d seen the entire time out there. “I had to get you out of there for a few hours you know.”

“I know,” you said, running a finger over your wrist. “I know.”

“You used Dean’s last resort yet?” he asked, throwing an arm over your shoulder. You shook your head. It wasn’t the right time. “Y/N, I think we should use it soon.”

“Sam, no,” you said, shrugging him off of you. You turned to see that sad look on his face he’d gotten so good at hiding you forgot how messed up of a situation this was. “I am so close to getting him to take it out, I can feel it.”

“You feel that fucking infection messing with you,” said Sam, crossing his arms as he watched you walk away. “I’m not losing you too, Y/N.”

“We haven’t lost him, Sam!” you shouted, turning to face him. Sam’s eyes went wide as you realized what you’d said. “One more week. Give me one more week, please.”

“Do you think you can last another week? He’s got his claws in you good kid,” said Sam, your gaze falling to the ground.

“He does,” you said, knowing that as time went on, the infection had turned less controlling and more warm, attracting you to Dean in ways you didn’t want but ways you had to be in order to convince him. The problem was you’d felt that way for so long you couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was forced upon you. You were terrified that what you did feel, the infection wasn’t the one causing it anymore.

“Maybe we can go up to your parent’s camp when he comes back,” said Sam, rubbing your back. “That’s always fun.”

“Dean would be proud of you,” you said, smiling up at Sam, the drizzle turning to a rain you didn’t mind. “You’ve done a good job taking care of me. You don’t look at me like a monster for being the way I am with Dean.”

“Kid, you’ve always been the strong one out of us three,” said Sam, your hand moving his arm back around your shoulders again. He hummed, your touches far and distant as of late. “I couldn’t keep it together like you are. You’re fighting and so am I. Maybe the demon asshole has grown on us. But we’re still playing a game with him. I’m not scared of either of us forgetting that.”

“I kind of liked it better when he was a cocky asshole all the time,” you said, Sam chuckling.

“He was much easier to hate back then,” said Sam, slipping your hood up over your head as the rain came down harder. “Today makes it how long?”

“Dean moved back in about ten months ago,” you said, reaching your hand up behind you to make sure Sam put his own hood up. “We’ve been playing nice like this for almost eight.”

“Fuck, I miss him,” said Sam, slipping his arms down to pull you into a deep embrace.

“I want you to go, Sam,” you said, his body tensing around yours. “I mean…shit, not like that. It’s just if I can’t convince him or Dean’s resort doesn’t work…I want you to go. Find a nice girl, go back to law school or find some little quiet town to live in. I could handle Dean on my own. No need for us both to be sentenced to living with him forever.”

“Dean’d be proud of you too kid,” said Sam. “You’re an idiot but you already knew that, didn’t you?” he said with a smile.

“Had to try,” you said, patting his arm. His fell away but you found his large hand wrap around your small, cold one. 

“We’re still okay,” said Sam, walking the two of you back down the path. “I’ll give you one more week and then use the resort.”

“Thanks Sam,” you said, wrapping your free hand around his arm, walking close as the rain turned to a downpour, neither of you seeming to mind. 

You’d gotten used to finding the little bits of hope to push through everything else.

 

“Hey, so…I’ll see you two at home, tomorrow,” said Sam, pressing a kiss to your forehead and slapping Dean’s shoulder. “I almost forgot how good you are at hooking me up.”

“Anything for my baby brother,” said Dean, smiling as Sam headed out with a beautiful black haired woman.

“I’m gonna grab some refills,” you said to Dean, smiling as you wandered back over to the bar. The bartender took your order and went to make them when a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist and alcohol scented breath whispered in your ear.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” said a voice you didn’t recognize. Your first instinct was to shrug him off, call for Dean. Well, your first sober instinct would have been anyways. But it’d been a while since you’d gone out and Dean hadn’t kept an eye on how much you’d been drinking that night, reminding you to be careful or not to keep up with him. Now all you felt was warm strong hands and a deep voice that made you think of eight months without your Dean.

“Get the fuck off my girlfriend,” said Dean, your heart racing. He’d never actually called you that before and you definitely liked it.

“Is that your boyfriend?” he asked you, turning you to face Dean. He went too fast and your head spun, words slipping out of your mouth before you could think.

“Nope,” you said, leaning back into the man. Dean raised his eyebrows in disbelief as a smile formed on your face for no good reason.

“Come on baby, let’s get out of here,” said the man holding onto you, walking the two of you outside. You certainly weren’t thinking clearly as you willingly walked with him to his car, sensing Dean was right on your tail. “Buddy, back off. She wants me.”

“Actually, I don’t really…” you said, the cool night air bringing some of your sobriety back to you. 

“Get in the car,” he said, pushing you against the door. Your head spun horribly as you caught yourself falling to the ground, the world shifting around you. When you looked up, you were knelt behind Dean who was stalking over to the confused looking man.

“Is that any way to treat a lady?” asked Dean, shoving him against the door. He got in a hard hit, so hard the man whimpered under Dean. “She belongs to  _me_ ,” said Dean, looking at you as he said the words, holding the man by the collar. You nodded to him and saw his attention fall back on the man. “Get the hell out of here and don’t ever come back.”

The man was gone in his car and peeling away in under ten seconds, your eyes following his taillights as Dean took his time coming back over to you. You were perfectly sober now, staring at the ground as his boots came into view. Had you just fucked it all up? All that work gone?

“Y/N,” Dean said from above, a small tremble running through your body as you sat there, waiting for what you weren’t sure. “Y/N look at me,” he said, squatting down in front of you.

You lifted your head as his hand tilted your chin up, his hand sliding over to cup your cheek.

“Y-yes sir,” you said, gulping down your fear, hoping if you used his old rules, his harsh rules, he’d be more lenient. Instead he only looked sad.

“No, no sir, only Dean,” he said, running his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that had fallen. “You understand you’re mine, don’t you?”

“Yes, Dean,” you said, finding your voice again, Dean seeming pleased that you had.

“Why’d you say I’m not your boyfriend?” he asked, gentle green eyes staring into yours.

“I was drunk. I don’t know what you want me to be,” you said. “Your pet, your property, your-”

“You’re my girlfriend, Y/N,” said Dean, shushing you as you went to avoid his gaze. “And you’re mine. That’s it. I suppose I should have made that more clear.”

“I’ve been yours for a long time,” you said, Dean smiling sadly.

“Yeah, but apparently I’ve made my girlfriend feel like a piece of meat I own. I need to fix that,” he said, your surprise coming through all too well. “See? Even you believe it. Let’s get you home and we’ll work on that.”

You nodded as he helped you up and got you into Baby, driving the two of you home. One of Dean’s hands played with the ends of your hair as you looked out into the night. 

If you had one saving grace, it was the knowledge that Dean as a demon had fallen for you. 

You had one week left to try and convince him and maybe tonight was the perfect excuse to do that.


	15. Chapter 15

By the time you were back home, Dean’s mood had shifted from concerned about you to pissed about the guy at the bar.

“Seriously, the more I think about it, the more I should have kicked his ass, gone a little demon on him. Something,  _anything_ ,” said Dean, running his knuckles under the sink in the bathroom as you dried your hair after your shower.

“I’m pretty sure you broke his nose,” you said, turning off the dryer and spinning to face him. He was in a black tee and black sweatpants, his normal pajamas for when it was cold out. You’d forgotten it would just be the two of you tonight when you thought about ordering some late-night takeout for you all.

“He was going to hurt you,” said Dean, getting defensive. “He’s a bad guy. Trust me, I am one, I know how they think.”

“Because bad guys save people they love all the time,” you said, opening a drawer and pulling out a small first aid kit. “You’re a demon but…you’re not bad.”

“Don’t let the other demons hear that or they’ll kick me out of Hell,” he joked, your fingers running over his injured hand. You watched for a moment as he healed himself and you shook your head.

“Sorry, I forgot,” you said, shoving the kit back in it’s place. 

“You were trying to take care of me. No need to apologize,” said Dean, taking your hands in his. You rested your head against his chest, wrapping your arms around him. “I’m sorry for scaring you earlier, making you think you’d be punished.”

“Are you going to?” you asked, staying in a tight embrace with him. “I was…”

“You were drunk and I didn’t think about watching out for you. I’m the one that should be punished,” he said, your laugh shaking his body with yours.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said, looking up at him. “I love you,” you said, leaning up on your toes to press a kiss to his pink lips.

“I love you too, Y/N,” said Dean, his happiness making him glow. “You’ve never said that before.”

“I’ve wanted to say it for a while,” you said, which unfortunately was the honest truth. “I’ve just been afraid you’d take it as weakness or something.”

“No, that’s all I ever wanted was to hear you say that and know it’s true,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “I promise, I’ll be better.”

“Thank you,” you said, listening to his heart beat as you leaned into him. 

“Want to order something and I can go run and pick it up? We didn’t really eat dinner at all,” he said, spinning you in his arms.

“Always so good to me,” you said, waddling out of the room, still in his embrace and down the hall to grab your phone. A few minutes later your order was placed and Dean was tugging on his jacket and boots.

“Be back soon,” he said, kissing your cheek before bouncing out the door and up to Baby. You gave him a wave and shut the garage door after him, waiting until you were back in your room to make that other call you wanted.

“It’s me,” you said, keeping your voice low even if you had no reason to. “No, he’s not changed back yet.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for-”

“Rowena, shut it,” you said. “He’s like all…sweet now. Still a demon and cocky and scary if he wants to be but he’s sweet. I fucked up tonight and should have earned myself some sort of, I don’t, I just should have gotten in trouble with him. Instead, he turns around and apologies to me. What the hell is going on?”

“You know how the infection draws you to him? Or at least it did?” asked Rowena.

“Yes. Great work on infection alternates by the way,” you said, enlisting the help of the witch from a far many months ago.

“Ignoring that, I think Dean is drawn to you as well. It is a bond, dearie. It works both ways,” she said, your groan loud. “Was there anything else or can I go back to my evening?”

“Call me when you got something,” you said, hanging up the phone. You tossed it to the side as you stared at the ceiling. The sigh that escaped you was quiet, your body sprawled out on your bed. Well, Dean’s bed. You slept together even if you hadn’t quite “slept together” since he was a demon again. But demon or not, you gave yourself that one luxury in all of this. You could curl up with the guy if you wanted and simply forget about everything for a moment.

“Sweetheart, I’m home,” Dean shouted as you heard a door slam shut in the distance. “Grabbed us some pie at the store too.”

“Can I keep you?” you shouted back, a giggle in your voice as you headed for the kitchen.

“Only if you can find me,” he shouted back as you walked in to find your food on the table.

“Winchester, where are you?” you called out, skipping out and down one of the halls, hoping you’d find him before your food got cold.

“Last place you’d ever expect,” said Dean as you made your way through the library and down a back hall. Your mind instantly went to the one section of the bunker Dean avoided like the plague and soon you found yourself just outside the dungeon.

“What are you doing in here?” you asked, opening the door to find Dean standing beside the Devil’s Trap on the floor, staring at it. “Dean?”

“When I was out, getting food, it finally occurred to me after all this time that I woke up in our bed, not tied to that chair over there,” said Dean, watching as you took a step inside the room. 

“It’s not fun feeling like a prisoner,” you said, walking around the chair, turning away from him.

“No, it’s not,” he said, his arm suddenly brushing up against yours. You spun around on your heels, Dean giving a shy smile. 

“Dean, you’re stuck in here now!” you said. He shrugged but didn’t seem to mind.

“This is me trusting you,” he said, running his hand up and down your arms. You grabbed one of his hands and tried to drag him with you as you walked back over the devils trap but it was like hitting a wall for him. “I told you I need to be punished.”

“You need to go eat dinner out of styrofoam containers and watch shitty TV with me,” you said, spinning around, looking for anything to use to break the trap.

“Take a night off from babysitting me,” said Dean, walking back and sitting in the chair. “You deserve it.”

“You deserve something alright. My choice is a slap to the face,” you said, an idea striking you as you ran a few doors down to the garage. By the time you were back, Dean was laughing.

“I hope you don’t use that thing on me,” he said, watching as you took the sledgehammer in your hand and brought it down on the cement. It only cracked a small piece but removing that one spot was enough to render the trap void.

“Now what the hell was that?” you said, leaning the sledgehammer against a shelf and grabbing his hand.

“I get scared that it’s not real,” he said, allowing you to pull him over the trap and back into the hall.

“If I had ever wanted you locked away, don’t you think that’s where you would have woken up? I wanted you here, with me. That’s what we got, you and me. Please don’t scare me like that again,” you said, moving his arms around you much like you’d moved Sam’s to comfort you earlier in the day. Only now it was hard without him by your side to deny that you cared for the demon, more than you should.

“I won’t, I promise,” said Dean. “Let’s have dinner and watch something, okay?”

“Stay with me tonight. I don’t want you running off again,” you said, tilting your head back to look up at him. His face was a little smug, like he’d known he’d won and had won long ago. But it was caring and genuine too.

Demon Dean was in love with you. You were confident that he trusted you completely after tonight. The next few days, you’d have to build on that and pray that maybe, you’d finally free yourself of the infection. 

But tonight you were allowing yourself to get lost in him, let those feelings take over because at the end of the day, it always got to be too much and slipping into his warm arms was too easy of a thing to do.


	16. Chapter 16

“The case with Jody ran a little long,” said Sam, you and Dean eating breakfast as Sam updated you on the hunt. “I probably won’t be home until tomorrow night earliest.”

“Just stay safe, don’t do anything stupid,” said Dean, giving the phone that sat in between the two of you a worrying glance.

“Will do. I’ll text you guys later. See ya,” said Sam, hanging up the phone.

“Want to have a lazy day?” asked Dean, watching as you were already wolfing down your cereal.

“Sure,” you said. “But I want to run out to the store and pick something up for dinner before I divulge into spending the day in pajamas.”

“Babe, you’re already in your pajamas,” said Dean, giving you a smirk. “Besides, I can just…” Dean said before snapping his fingers.

“You know I don’t like that,” you said, opening up the fridge and finding a meal ready to be heated up in the oven later.

“Let me make it up to you,” said Dean, finishing his breakfast and tossing it in the sink. “We can do whatever you want today.”

“Movies in bed?” you asked, your lazy day go-to with Dean. He hummed as he grabbed a snack and drinks for you two, finding you already with a movie ready to go as he entered your room.

You’d spent nearly the whole day in bed with Dean, being lazy and barely moving, falling asleep a few times as you were wrapped up in his arms. Dean had turned on some outdated horror you’d seen before and your mind started to wander to the hands touching you.

“Dean,” you said, hearing his hum in response. “I’m going to ask you something and I’d like your honest answer.”

“Shoot,” he said, feeling you tense up under him.

“We’ve been together a while and I was wondering if you’d like to…be more intimate…” you said, swearing you felt Dean’s heart skip a beat.

“You mean sex?” he asked. You nodded and Dean chuckled. “Sweetheart, I’ve been dreaming of this day.”

“Can we take it slow? I haven’t done this in a long time,” you said, turning in his lap so you could face him.

“Of course. I love you,” said Dean, cupping your cheek before landing a kiss to your lips. Dean had kissed you countless times but this was the first one where you could tell he wasn’t holding back emotions. Your lips parted open for him, just like they used to, letting him in to taste everything he’d missed. 

This was the part of your plan that you hated, hated because you wanted it so badly. It’d sure as hell give you a better connection with him but it still felt wrong.

“Don’t worry, we’ll go slow, I promise,” he said, easing off of the kiss, his movements with his hands on your face and neck gentler. You told yourself to forget about all that, knowing Dean would pick up on any reservations if you had them. So you simply told yourself to let it go and trust him. “There’s my girl,” said Dean, feeling you relax into him.

“Need you,” you said, too desperate for how quickly this had started but Dean wasn’t going to make you wait, not today.

“Shh, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of you,” said Dean, his hands finding the hem of your shirt and tugging it over your head.

“Wanna take care of you too,” you said, tugging on his shirt, Dean moving his arms so you could pull it off.

“Nice and slow,” said Dean, moving back in for another slow kiss.

 

“Hey,” said Dean a little quietly as you stirred. He had the TV on silent but he seemed as though he’d been watching you sleep on his chest for a while. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” you said, pressing your bare chest against his, Dean’s hand running up and down over your back. “That was fun.”

“Yeah, it was,” said Dean a smirk on his face. “I’m glad you were the one to bring it up. I didn’t want to push it.”

“I want this to be regular for us again,” you said. “Flirty little looks that wind up with us in bed, that kind of thing.”

“You got it sweetheart,” said Dean, stroking your hair, resting his head against yours. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“You’re welcome,” you said, turning your wrist and seeing the trickle of black run through you. The second you moved it back you saw Dean’s face. “I should probably go put dinner in the oven. I’ll be right back.” You rolled out of bed reluctantly and found Dean’s shirt on the floor, throwing it over yourself as you heard him sit up.

“Y/N,” said Dean, his eyes on your face instead of your naked body as you tugged the way too big for you t-shirt down over yourself.

“Yeah, Dean?” you asked, pulling you hair out and waiting for him to continue.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, glancing at your wrist. “I know it’s not fair for you to trust me the way you do and me not to give you that same level of trust back.”

“Whatever you decide to do, I’ll respect your decision,” you said, moving over to your desk drawer. “If you ever want to know why the human side of you gave me back to you, why I’m better off with you over him…there’s a letter in that drawer from him.”

“Have you read it?” asked Dean, no anger on his face but you could feel it in your blood as well. He truly believed what you’d just said.

“No, I have no idea what it says,” you said honestly. “If you’re making a decision like this, you should know everything.”

“Is there anything more to know?” asked Dean, looking up through long lashes. Damn he was gorgeous and shirtless in bed, it was miracle you hadn’t gone dark side yet.

“I love you,” you said, taking a step over to the bed and squeezing his hand. “I hope you know that’s the truth and if you don’t believe me, I’ll just keep trying until you do. I can’t do this without you Dean. We’re supposed to do this together.”

“I trust you and love you, Y/N,” said Dean, kissing your hand. “This is just a big decision for me. I can’t undo it once I take it out. I have to really think about it.”

“Like I said baby, I’ll respect your choice,” you said, kissing his temple. “I’ll pop in a pie too. How about blueberry tonight?”

“Sounds great sweetheart,” he said, smiling as he held your hand until you were too far away to hold on any longer. 

You didn’t make a sound, let out no sigh or held breath as you warmed up your dinner. 

You were so fucking close to getting the infection out, being able to cure Dean. But Sam was right, Dean had his hold on you and now more than ever did you feel like maybe it would just be easier to stay with the one you had. But you made the other one, your Dean, a promise and you had to keep going. 

The only thing was you didn’t know how much longer you had before you gave in completely.


	17. Chapter 17

You could tell Dean was really thinking about ridding you of your infection. You caught him staring more than was normal and you did your best to stay relaxed, to show him you could be trusted. You had a few more days before you knew Sam would want to separate you from Dean for good.

“No pressure,” you muttered to yourself as you made a cup of coffee. Dean was still in bed when you left and Sam was already out for a run. You debated making breakfast without them but the sound of the bunker door opening told you Sam was home. “Let’s see, what do we got for eggs…”

You spun around too quickly though and your hand knocked over your mug, spilling the hot liquid all over the counter and floor.

“Shit!” you yelled, pulling your hand away as it burned slightly. “Seriously?” you said, staring at the mess in front of you. Your blood felt like it was boiling as you watched the ceramic mug fly across the room and hit the wall. You took a step back, unclear on what exactly had just happened.

Sam hadn’t come in yet and you dashed off towards your room while you had a chance to get your head on straight.

“Dean,” you said, shaking his shoulder, hearing his grumbles beneath you.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbled into his pillow, keeping his eyes shut.

“Did you make that mug fly across the room?” you asked, obvious panic in your voice.

“No,” said Dean, popping open one eye. “Why did you?”

“I don’t know,” you said, staring at your perfectly fine hand that should have been red and scorched up. “Something’s…” you said, concern flashing over Dean’s face. “I’m fine, it was my imagination.”

“It’s starting,” said Dean, running his hands over his face.

“What is? What are you talking about?” you said, kneeling next to the bed, Dean’s face hard.

“The infection, it was always going to lead to this. Try to understand sweetheart,” said Dean, reaching a hand out to stroke your head. “It’s…going to change you.”

“N-No,” you said, pulling back, not needing to ask what it was about to change you into. “Please Dean.”

“Is being one my kind not good enough for you?” asked Dean, sitting up in bed, glaring at you. You’d gotten good at this game too though.

“I just didn’t realize that everything,  _none_  of it mattered to you. You say you love me and you can’t stand me, can’t accept me for who I am,” you said, keeping your voice sad instead of angry. “I did it for  _you_. I trust  _you_. I’m just glad to know you’ll never care for me the same way I do for you.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true,” said Dean, swinging his legs over the bed, reaching out to hold your hands.

“I’m not good enough for you,” you said, staring him in the eye as you let him take your hands in his. 

“Y/N, you’re everything I could ever want. Fuck, I mean we were made for each other. Literally,” said Dean, tugging you to sit on his lap. “Doesn’t that count for something?”

“No, Dean, it doesn’t,” you said, turning your head finding his right next to yours. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t…forget it. Change me and you’ll never have to worry about me ever arguing with you again. I’ll be your perfect little demon girlfriend, doing whatever you want.”

“Y/N,” said Dean, his grip on you lax enough that you could slip out before he knew better. “Sweetheart, let’s talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you spat back, your anger getting the better of you. “You’ll make a decision and I’ll live with it. That’s how it always is Dean. Why should this be any different,” you said, walking out of the room.

By the time you got back to the kitchen, you were calmer but colder as well, like the argument you’d just had didn’t bother you much. 

“Y/N, did you and Dean have a fight?” asked Sam, soaking up the last of the coffee with a towel.

“Apparently I’m turning into a demon. My mother did used tell me I was a little devil all the time,” you said, picking up the mug’s broken pieces with your bare hands, the tiny cuts healing themselves quickly.

“Our lives are so fucked up,” said Sam, running his hands against his face. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I just pissed off Dean so chances of him doing the one freaking thing I’ve always wanted from him are shot to shit,” you said, throwing the trash in the garbage. “Why won’t he trust me Sam? I love him and he won’t give it back.”

Sam’s face told you he hoped that what you were saying wasn’t true but he could sense a small part of it was. You’d had many of these “talks.” Sometimes Dean heard them, others he didn’t, but they were always meant for him in case he was lurking by a doorway. It was only when you and Sam were alone, far away from Dean did you ever speak openly.

“I don’t know sweetie,” said Sam, walking to give you a hug. He was scared too you realized, the thought of not only Dean but you as well turning into a black eyed monster probably enough to make him want to do something stupid.

“Take care of me, if I change. You got to do it, I don’t want to be that way,” you said, holding Sam tight.

“Okay,” said Sam, shushing you as you turned your head into his chest. To be honest, you weren’t sure he’d do it but anything to scare the crap out of Dean was good with you. If he was going to make you lose everything, you weren’t giving him the satisfaction of getting to keep you too. “Go settle down in your room, and I mean y _our_  room, Y/N,” said Sam, wanting to separate you from Dean today. “I’ll bring you some hot chocolate when I’m done cleaning up.”

“I’m not a child. You don’t have to coddle me,” you said, shrugging out of his hold. Sam looked hurt and you relented. No wonder Dean was an ass all the time. He must have been trying to be as nice as he was now. “Thanks,” you said, smiling as you went back to your room.

About ten minutes later, Sam was setting a mug down on your bedside table, covering you with a blanket. 

“Dean made it for you,” said Sam, your desire to have any of it long gone. “He made one for himself too.”

“What?” you asked, sitting upright. Sam shrugged. “Dean never has that unless…”

“Unless he really wants a drink,” said Sam, staring at the back of his hands. “He remembers that fight you two had, where you told him to make some stupid hot chocolate whenever he felt so bad that he needed to drink away whatever was bothering him.”

“Something’s bothering him then,” you said, letting your interest fade away. 

“I think he likes you as a human,” said Sam, your snort evident.

“ _I don’t like me as a human, Sam_ ,” you said, raising your voice. “I used to be strong and didn’t take people’s shit and stood up for myself. Now it’s don’t piss off Dean, don’t upset Dean, what will make Dean happy? The worst part is, I love him anyways. He’s right, I’m a freaking joke.”

“No, you’re not,” said Sam, squeezing your hand, forcing you to look up. His eyes found yours as he tried to remind you of just how strong you had been this whole time.

“I want some space alone for a while, Sam,” you said, giving a tiny smile. “I’ll come get you if I start speaking in tongues.”

“Dork,” said Sam, ruffling your hair as he got up.

“Loser,” you said back, your back and forth game almost a distant memory it’d been so long.

Both boys gave you space that day, Sam because you asked, Dean, you weren’t quite sure why. You waited until late at night before opening Dean’s door and crawling into bed with him.

“Didn’t think you’d come in,” said Dean quietly, waking as you turned away from him. 

“I can leave if you want,” you said, Dean’s arm not falling over your waist like it did every other night.

“Y/N, I want you to do what you want to do and I’ll respect it either way,” said Dean, his palm resting flat against your back. You pulled his arm over you, snuggling back into him before responding.

“Night, Dean,” you said, staring at the wall. 

“Night, Y/N. I love you,” said Dean. “Tomorrow, I’ll make things right between us, I promise.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

Maybe tomorrow you’d read that letter. You had a strange feeling it might be your last day as a human and you wanted to hear your Dean’s voice one last time. Even if all you got was a few words on a page.


	18. Chapter 18

Waking up felt strange. You were still human but…you didn’t care at all that you had dried drool on your face, that your throat was a little dry. You could stay that way for all eternity and you wouldn’t mind. You knew you should have but what was the point? By the time you’d showered and dressed, Dean was waiting for you in the library, Sam by his side, both with neutral expressions on their faces.

“Y/N, can we have a family talk?” asked Dean, pulling out a chair for you.

“I want something to eat,” you said, folding your arms and walking away. Dean’s face soured as he turned to Sam.

“ _Now_  do you believe me?” you heard Dean say to his younger brother.

“I’m leaving to go get some food,” you said, bounding down the steps, walking over to where your shoes were by the stairs. Dean popped in front of you and you walked straight into him. “Dude, get out of the way.”

“Yeah, that infection is coming out,” said Dean, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you over to the chair he had for you. “You’re different and I don’t like this version of you.”

“Oh  _come on_. I can make it up to you,” you said raising an eyebrow, trailing a finger down his chest with your free arm. “What’s so bad about being a demon anyways?”

“Um, she was freaking out about this yesterday,” said Sam, keeping an eye on you while Dean sat you down. “Now she  _wants_  it?”

“Why the hell wouldn’t I Sam? I already feel a million times better and I’m not even changed-”

“You don’t  _feel_ , Y/N, that’s why you feel better,” said Dean, standing over you so you stayed put. “I didn’t realize when it started happening it would be this fast…”

“Tell her why you came back, Dean,” said Sam, your eyes going wide. Dean had made it clear that was something he’d never share.

“When I started all this, I admit, I was lonely and wanted someone to go do whatever the hell I wanted to with,” said Dean, turning to you, trying to put a smile on his face. “You were my soulmate after all. I figured I’d try you out after things didn’t work with Crowley. If I didn’t like the way things were going, I’d just get rid of you and Sam so no skin off my bones. I thought about it too that first day, when you were in the chair you’re sitting in now. It would have been so easy.”

“What’s to stop me from killing you?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow, both boys seeming to shrink away from you. “You’re right, that  _is_  fun.”

“You made him feel something he didn’t think he could as a demon, Y/N,” said Sam, not reaching his hand out across the table to take yours like he normally would have. “He loves you and so do I. We want the old Y/N, not whatever you’re acting like now.”

“I read his letter,” said Dean, catching your attention. “I still don’t like the guy but he had a point. I thought I had to do this to make you mine. But you already were and I want her back, not you.”

There were only a thousand things you could have said back. You wanted to say he wasn’t your Dean, that he could never be your Dean. You wanted to say it was an act, brilliantly pulled off by you and Sam over the vast majority of the past year. You wanted to say how could you ever love something despicable like him, something that tried to own you, not respect you. Sure, your Dean had told you that you were his before. But that was kind and soft, a reciprocation that he belonged to you as well always in that statement. Instead of saying any of that, you let the uncaring side of you loose and went for the jugular.

“You used to be so cocky.  _That was hot._  Take charge and all that. Now you’re a joke,” you said, poking him in the chest as you stood. “Little demon got his feelings hurt? Tough shit, Dean. I like this. I  _like_  what the infection is doing to me. I don’t know what I was so worried about all that time!”

You moved to walk away when Dean tried to grab you again but you found yourself able to shrug out of his grip. You realized you were getting stronger and wouldn’t be forced to do what they wanted.

“If you two don’t mind, I’ll stop back after this is done,” you said, smiling with a cock of your head. “I would suggest not being here. That goes for you too, Sam.”

“Plan B,” said both Winchesters, glancing at each other as Dean wrapped himself around you and the world shifted.

“Fucking Winchesters…” you grumbled, finding yourself locked in the dungeon with Dean.

“Good luck-” Dean said as you kneed him in the groin and he slumped to the ground.

“I won’t ask twice,” you said, glaring at the shelves. Sam was making his way through the other door, his footsteps loud. “Sammy, let me out.”

“Do it, Dean,” said Sam, Dean’s hand on your wrist making you feel lightheaded. You found yourself on the ground as your head spun faster and faster, parts of you hurting, others healing it seemed like.

“Almost there sweetheart,” said Dean, wincing as you felt electricity in your veins. You caught sight of your wrist, the black burning away and a pressure you hadn’t realized you’d been living with lifting off of you. “Almost…”

The last thing you remembered was as soon as you woke up, you were getting your Dean back.


	19. Chapter 19

“Hey, kiddo, take it easy,” said Sam, helping you sit upright against one of the shelves. “How you feeling?”

“Infinitely better,” you said, remembering that this was how you used to feel. Strong and happy, wanting your family around instead of pushing them away. 

“Well, ain’t that peachy,” said Dean, your head whipping around to find him tied to the chair in the dungeon, the cuffs on one of his hands.

“He kind of turned into a really awful asshole that wants to kill us both while you were out,” said Sam. “So same old same old.”

“It doesn’t matter, he’s getting turned back for good,” you said, Sam helping you to your feet. Dean cocked his head and licked his lips.

“I’d like to see you try sweetheart,” said Dean, shifting in his seat but his bonds holding him in place. “Different rules out here than in that cage.”

“Let’s just go get the blood and be done with this,” you said, Sam already moving to lock Dean in behind you.

 

“One shot to go,” you said, laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling. You’d spent your time away from the dungeon moving your things back into your room, wanting things to be as normal as possible when it was all said and done.

“Was it this bad when you cured him the first time?” asked Sam from the end of the mattress, on edge that the two of you were actually harming Dean. You shook your head. He hadn’t yelled as much the first time, hadn’t been in the same level of pain he was experiencing now. “Hey, in less than an hour we’ll have him back.”

“Yeah,” you said. Sam scooted up so he could see your face and raise an eyebrow on his own. “What if I’m different and Dean doesn’t-”

“You are such an idiot sometimes. Both of you!” said Sam, a smile on his face. “I can tell, you’re how you’re supposed to be again. Sure, it’ll be a little strange at first to get things normal. But he’s coming back and he’s going to be so proud of you. He asked you to save him and you did. You saved both of you.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Sam,” you said, sitting up, brushing your shoulder up to his. “You kept me sane this whole time, checked on me when I didn’t know I needed it. Apart from all that, you stayed when it would have been safer to go. I don’t know how you slept at night.”

“A locked door helped, but I wasn’t leaving you alone with him, ever,” said Sam, reaching an arm around your shoulders.

“Ya know, I’m yours too, Sammy,” you said leaning against him. “For a little brother you make a pretty good big one. Even if you are a massive dork.”

“Eh, I like my little loser too, I guess,” said Sam. He leaned his head against yours, relishing in the fact that soon everything would go back to normal. “Let’s go get the big guy back.”

 

You knew it was your turn to give Dean his final shot of the blood, the one that would have him stirring into human form quickly. You kept your excitement down as you and Sam headed back into the dungeon. Until it turned to full blown panic that was.

“Shit,” said Sam, both of you glancing around as Dean was no where in sight. The emergency lights went on as you were cast into darkness. “At least we’ve played this game before.”

“I lost the first time around,” you said.

“Me too,” said Sam, taking your hand and moving you towards the front entrance. Your mind was already screaming out for Cas as you imagined Sam’s was as well. Cas had kept his distance apart from a few hunts. Dean didn’t have it in him to tolerate Cas the way he did Sam or yourself. You talked on the phone but you missed your angel. The bunker was very much his home as well.

“Because I’m in a good mood today,” shouted Dean, “I’m going to let you pick who has to watch.”

“He sounds like a crappy villain,” you muttered, Dean sounding far enough away to risk the noise.

“I want you to hide while I get the power back on,” said Sam, pulling open a door and shoving you inside. “Stay until I come back, please.” You would have protested but he was quieter than the both of you and it would give you time to find a weapon while Dean was distracted.

“Be careful,” you said, Sam knowing perfectly well you wouldn’t be there when he came back. He took off and a minute later you saw the red glow disappear from under the door and be replaced with soft light. A shadow passed by as you held your breath.

“Guys, you don’t want to hang out with me?” said Dean, stalking away. “Was it something I said?”

You gave yourself a minute before you were off down the hall, finding the demon blade in your room and spinning on your heels as you went off in search of the boys. You spotted Sam ahead of you, turning a corner as you let out a sigh of relief. Something inhaled behind you and you ducked and jumped out of the way as something collided with the wall where you’d been standing. Sam heard the rustle and came back, his eyes going wide as Dean kicked your blade to the side.

“Hiya sweetheart,” said Dean as you scrambled back, Dean advancing with black eyes.

“Back at ya,” you said, watching Cas pop into view behind him and trap Dean in his grasp. They disappeared in an instant before Cas was calling for you and Sam to come to the dungeon.

“Apologies for not getting here sooner,” said Cas. “I often hear your prayers of wanting me here but sensed your urgency meant something was wrong.”

“Not anymore,” you said, grabbing the last shot from the table and approaching the out cold demon. You stabbed it into his arm and tossed it aside. Dean didn’t stir as you stood back and waited. It happened similarly to the first time, Dean’s transformation back but something was very much different.

This time, you could feel a tingle of something run through your veins. You weren’t quite sure how to describe it but you knew it was finally over.


	20. Demon Dean Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If Demon Dean is more your heart's desire...

Dean had been itching to speak with you. It wasn’t hard to say the feeling was mutual but he needed his rest and you could handle one more night without talking to him again. That didn’t mean you weren’t going to crawl into bed with him and allow yourself to know that you had Dean back for good.

 

The room was a little cooler than normal but Dean’s arm was warm and heavy on your waist and you were smiling before you ever opened your eyes the next morning. You found beautiful green ones staring back, a smile on his face too. He leaned over and kissed you as you nuzzled into him. The early morning light was soft and pleasant as it came in through the open blinds, a few birds outside chirping happily. When your brain got over the happiness of the moment it turned into full blown panic. Dean’s arm over you held you tight as you glanced away to look at the room. You weren’t in the bunker.

It looked similar to your parent’s old cabin but this was slightly different. Looking back to Dean you saw black eyes for a brief moment in place of green ones.

“Hiya sweetheart,” he said, a little dark and cocky. 

“No. I-I changed you,” you said, sitting up, Dean moving with you but keeping an arm around you.

“You never figured it out, after all that time,” said Dean, licking his lips. “ _This_ was the plan sweetheart,  _this_  right here.”

“What?” you asked, shifting around, finding the bedroom door open, leading out to a hall. You didn’t look trapped at the very least. 

“Oh, Y/N,” said Dean, moving a piece of hair behind your ear. “You remember that little Book of the Damned, don’t you? Well, one day a long time ago, the old Dean did some research after finding out about you two being soulmates. He wasn’t scared of it, in fact, it gave him a certain peace he’d been lacking in life. He was curious if there was any lore on it was all. He came across that spell to turn a human into a demon in there.”

“I don’t…” you trailed off, unsure why but your panic subsiding as he ran a hand up and down your arm.

“Understand? I’m getting there sweetheart,” said Dean. “Dean read that book and eventually moved on to other ones, finding out that your little bond could in no way be broken. But changed? For sure. You could corrupt one and the other would follow, albeit much slower. See, Dean packed all this information into his head and when he changed into me that first time, sweetheart I came up with this plan of mine. ”

“What plan was that?” you asked, taking in your clothes in one of the open closets. 

“Dean didn’t remember that one little line he read in a different book that he tossed aside, that one little line that made it all possible,” said Dean. “You use that spell to turn a human dark side? They stay demon, no matter what you do. I’m demon forever sweetheart and you’re always gonna want me.”

“You can’t change me demon, you didn’t want me to-”

“Maybe  _corrupt_  was the wrong word earlier,” said Dean with a shrug. “But you’ll always be my soulmate. You’re the only one who has a chance of keeping me in line. Do you really want to go the rest of your life without me by your side?”

You sat, taking in his words, starting to get why he’d bothered to go through nearly a year of these games. He wanted you to like him, to love him again.

“Sam and Cas can be safe this way, you’ll be safe. We’ll hunt and do all the other crap we’ve spent the past year doing together. You get your Dean and I get my sweetheart. I’m not as big of an asshole as when this started but I’m never going to be him. It’s got to be your choice if you can live with that. You were doing okay with it before.”

You remembered what Dean’s letter had said, when you’d read it that last night before you started feeling like a demon yourself. 

_Let her go and see if she comes back. That is the love she’s capable of giving._ _Just give her a chance. Loving her was the best part of my life. If you’re going to take her from me, you damn better love and trust her just as much as I did._

Demon Dean was right. Your Dean…he was gone. The sweet, kind, good man you’d fallen in love with wasn’t coming back. For some reason, this demon version of him, he was listening to Dean, letting you pick, not forcing you.

That told you everything you needed to know.

“Dean?” you asked, holding open one of your hands. “Can you explain to me what’s it like being a demon in love?”

You weren’t sure if Dean was expecting that kind of response from you but his hand fell into yours all the same.

“It’s very strange,” said Dean quietly. “But nice.”

“What happens when I get older, you’ll stay the same,” you said, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I may have one or two other tricks up my sleeve to keep you just like you are now, safe and healthy. If you trust me that is,” he said, your gaze coming up to meet his for the first time since your panic, much calmer now. “We’ll do that later then.”

“You’re different and you’ll be a handful,” you said, reaching your free hand up to stroke his cheek. “But…”

“But what, sweetheart?” asked Dean and you smiled.

“We got this connection you see,” you said, Dean chuckling, a little darker than the one you’d loved but this one making you happy just as much.

“Y/N?” Dean asked, leaning over to kiss you, making sure you were comfortable with it before going in full force. It was rough and needy. You could handle the extra level of bad behavior that was about to enter your life and to be honest, it excited you.

“Yeah?” you answered, a little breathless to find a sweet smile on Dean’s face. For the first time when you looked at him, you didn’t think of him as demon. You didn’t have to hope it lasted, you knew it would. 

“I’m your Dean.”


	21. Dean Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If Dean is more your heart's desire...

Dean was sleeping in bed, snoring softly as he was curled up in the blankets you’d put over him as he slept. He’d protested once again about being taken care of, especially since he hadn’t seen you yet. But you really didn’t want Dean to see you until Cas had a chance to heal the marks on your face from where you’d fallen to the ground. 

The boys had had their talks, Sam first, then Cas. You could wait a little longer for yours, you’d gotten used to waiting. One peaceful night of sleep wasn’t going to kill you. Eventually you climbed into bed beside him, giving him enough space to not disturb his slumber. You could handle one more night.

When you woke up, Dean was sitting up in bed, holding something and watching you. You’d hoped to find his body curled around yours protectively, how it had always been. Maybe he thought you really were different now.

“You never read the letter,” said Dean, his gaze soft, the words unexpected. “Read it. Then we can spend the rest of our lives tangled up in this bed together, keeping each other close, uttering all the sappiest things I can imagine. But everything I want to say, it’s already right here.” You gulped as you took the sheet of paper from him. 

_Demon Dean,_

_You’re an asshole and if it were up to me, I’d kill you. Or worse. I’m not good at this “right thing to say” stuff. Y/N’s always been the one that knows how to make me feel better. I’ve always been the one to say something stupid and regret it, knowing she needs to hear something better than whatever idiotic comfort I’m giving._

_But she still loves it. That’s the thing about Y/N. I can be an idiot, over-bearing, over-protective. I can say things I don’t mean in fights, things I regret for the rest of my life because why on earth would I want to hurt her. I’m messed up, I know that. That’s the only reason we ever fight. She doesn’t think I’m broken, never has and never will. I don’t understand because there are things wrong with me that a normal person doesn’t carry around with them._

_I’m not wrong to her though. I’ve tried for as long as I can remember to get her to realize that she’s wrong but it hit me last night, watching Y/N pretend to sleep soundly when I know she’s hurting, that she’s slowly dying if I don’t help her soon…I’ll never convince her she’s wrong about me._

_I’m letting her turn me back so the asshole that you are can take out that infection. I’m trusting her when all I want her to do is turn me and throw me away for the rest of time. It’s safer for her that way, she can go live a life still. She’s willing to put up with you though. For me._

_I wish you could understand that she is not something you get to take and own. I was always hers, not the other away around. If you’re lucky enough, she’ll give herself to you too and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to figure out why she would love you of all people._

_You will never understand what it’s like to have that. Whatever you’re doing to her, whatever you’ve done, you aren’t giving her the chance to show you what you’re missing._

_Let her go and see if she comes back. That is the love she’s capable of giving._ _Just give her a chance. Loving her was the best part of my life. If you’re going to take her from me, you damn better love and trust her just as much as I did._

_If you don’t, I’ll find a way to get her back and get rid of you for good. I don’t know how, but I’ll find a way to try and give her everything she deserves because lord knows I’ll never be able to give her as much as she’s given me._

_-D_

You read and re-read the letter over and over, Dean’s eyes watching yours skirt back and forth over the page. His breathing was slow and calculated, trying to appear calm. You had to fight back the urge to slap him across the face for not thinking he deserved you, that there were all these things wrong with him.

“I don’t mean to rush you but you’re starting to scare me, Y/N,” said Dean, his voice with a small waiver. “I know it’s not the best written thing but-”

“I love you,” you said, folding up the paper and placing it on your bedside table. “I was yours from the start too.”

“You put up with that demon for almost a year, just to get me back,” said Dean, his hand tentatively reaching out for yours. You let him know it was okay by moving yours closer. “I don’t think I’m worth all that you went through.”

“I know you don’t baby,” you said, Dean’s hand on yours still shaky, still afraid that you didn’t want him anymore. “It’s a good thing one of us knows you are. I’ll just have to keep working on that until you know it too.”

“Why do you love me?” asked Dean, seemingly more relaxed as his arm shifted to pull you against him.

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “It’s a million things and it’s the way I feel being with you. It’s where I’ve always supposed to be, with you. You’re home.”

“I told you that when you asked me,” said Dean, smiling hard. “I thought it sounded awful.”

“I liked it,” you said. “It was the words I needed most.” 

“Y/N?” asked Dean. “Can we take a break?”

“What?” you asked, whipping your head up, fear and panic flooding you. “I-I don’t…”

“God no, I…shit, sorry, I don’t mean  _us_  take a break. I’m never letting you out of my sight again if I have it my way,” said Dean, his hands on your cheeks, running the worry out of them. “I meant you and me go on a vacation, Sam and Cas too. No hunting, only our family, spending time together.”

“Sam and I were talking about that a few days ago actually,” you said, nodding over to your hiking boots in the corner of the room, next to Dean’s. “We were thinking my parents old place on the lake.”

“Me too,” said Dean, gently moving his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. “A lot of good memories there.”

“I’ve missed you,” you said, brushing your lips against his.

“I’m never leaving you again,” mumbled Dean, his soft pink lips moving slowly against yours. You had expected some sort of starved kiss out of him but this one was very much like your first ever had been. Sweet and simple and a promise in it. “Thank you for bringing me back.”

“You never have to thank me for that,” you said. “I’ll always be yours.” He smiled against you as he kissed you again.

He was always going to be yours too.


End file.
